but I feel like I have 4-5 people asking me questions and that is hard to keep straight.
You don't have to answer all the questions, they are meant to make you think. But sometimes typing out an answer will help you with your thought process.
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Being a better person means, not getting mad. Not expressing negative thoughts to other people. not being critical of other people. being happier, healthier.
Good start. Write things like this down to remind yourself daily of what your goals are and how to act. But be as specific as you can, instead of having a goal of "be healthier" have a goal of "losing X number of pounds by (date)" and then break that down into an action plan (walk 3 miles on M, W, F, cut sugary drinks from diet, etc).
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Being a better dad means that I try to spend some time with the kids each and every day, try to play games/video games/ or something with them.
I play video games with S9, but it's not what I really consider quality time, I just do it because he enjoys it. Try to mix that with quality time activities like those I mentioned before. Do something that gets you out of the house and exercising with them. Take them to a playground, a park, a walk around the block, swimming, etc.
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Treat them with love and caring.
This is a byproduct of spending quality time with them.
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Being a better husband is on the shelf for now because I don't have a marriage anymore.
Don't look at it like that, look at it like it's in trouble and you're working on it. You CAN be a better husband NOW. That would be a 180 for you, would it not? Have you read the 5 Love Languages? That's something else you might look into, it gives great tips for showing your W love even when separated.
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I think that if I am a better father and person, the husband thing will follow.
Yup!
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you said that my wife didn't need to change. I don't know about that.
For now she has no interest in changing, she sees YOU as the problem. You need to work on you, not worry about what she needs to change. If and when you get to piecing then she'll need to address her issues as part of the reconciliation agreement.
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when I was done I went to the kitchen to clean up. My wife came in and said "trying to score brownie points?" I said no and that I appreciated all the work she did with the house over the years and it's time that I start pulling my weight. She then said 'you know it's probably too little too late."
Good! Don't worry about her response, this is why we keep saying to give it time. She'll just see it as you trying to trick her into coming back initially. Stick with it.
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She left then came in and said something curious about 5 mins later. She said 'maybe we should see someone" I didn't want to pursue so I let the comment lie and didn't address it. I just says "maybe"
Don't push it, just wait and see if she mentions it again. I'm not sure you're in a position right now where MC would help matters. Just stick to the DB'ing and have patience.
