Im struggling with feeling free from him. I still feel haunted by him and I don't know how to get rid of that. It's because Im aware he is watching me closely and still trying to play games, when Im really feeling ready to let go and jump off that cliff into the unknown, of a brand new life.
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The only way I know how to free myself from being suffocated is to walk away break all ties. I sometimes really wonder if moving away so he's not so accessible to me and the girls would help.
Really, I think that's what you used to know. Not what you know now, right? I totally get what you're saying and there are still days I wish I did not live in teh same old house. I find that even though I feel long over it, have new people in my life etc., there are days when it is oppressive. A change of scenery would not be a bad thing. But I'm stubborn and hard on myself to the point I won't let that beat me. In fact, I'll stay until the house is something I like. Until I make it into something I like. Working on that as we speak,uh...type.
As I was reminded in a different thread, they never truly go away until there is six feet of dirt between you. They will try to insert themselves, like an overgrown child throwing a tantrum (I WANT!!! WAHHHH) and it will drive you mad unless and until you get past it. Moving to another location could help. But it is not enough. And it's disruptive to you and the kids. And you're not the crazy one, so why do you have to move?
You'll hit bottom from time to time. He's going to try very hard to make sure of it. Once you know that, it changes everything. Once you realize that no matter what he does, you are going to do what's right for you, it gets much much better. And easier to let go of the rest of it. With or without him physically around you....
Off to Christmas shop.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
In fact, I'll stay until the house is something I like. Until I make it into something I like. Working on that as we speak,uh...type. 