Downloaded next book to Kindle: The Lost Art of Listening: How Learning to Listen Can Improve Relationships by Michael P. Nichols. Planning to start it this weekend.
Yesterday W asked if I had plans Saturday and I told her I didn't. Figured she would ask me to watch kids but instead she asked if my mom could come up so we could get some Christmas shopping done and maybe grab dinner. Surprised me a little and I told her I'd ask. So it looks like we're leaving house just the 2 of us for first time since BD so should be interesting. Goal is to just try to have a good time and not make more of it then it is.
She said something just before bed last night that caught me off guard. I was laying there reading and out of blue she said "thanks for helping out so much around here lately and getting everything ready to go for us". All I said is your welcome and we watched a little TV without anymore talk. I see this as a baby step because in past we've discussed that I felt taken for granted because she never thanked me and just expected me to do things. It used to be a big deal because she'd thank everyone for anything they did but never say it to me. Guess it still is a big deal since I noticed it, must have just let it go last several years.
This came from AS's thread and it's really been on my heart the last 24 hours with my W's grandpas funeral tomorrow.
Originally Posted By: AnotherStander
For much (or nearly all) of that 25 years I was her rock too, and it really feels bad to know that I'm not her rock anymore.
I've tried not to show that I'm hurting over not going but it really [censored] not being able to go. I haven't said or led on about wanting to go since our previous talk. W and kids are leaving this afternoon so I have a full night of stuff planned for both today and tomorrow so at least I'll be busy and hopefully not think too much. I did see wife this morning before work and I might have read into it but she had this sad look on her face when she saw me in bathroom. You guys know how you can just read your S's slight facial reactions. For whatever reason I reached over and gave her a hug and told her it's for tomorrow since I won't be there. She squeezed a little tighter and held longer then a "normal" hug and looked like she might cry when I pulled away. I think it was our first form of contact (non-sleeping) since BD and I wasn't really expecting any form of hug back. I didn't really know what to do so I just said have a good day at work and drive safe. She said she'd call when they get there and I left.
Another 180 for me was I bought a sympathy card for W. I wrote a few words in it and put it in her bag so she'd see it when she gets there tonight. I always said that cards are one of the stupidest things ever invented and a complete waste of money. I rarely ever bought them and told her several times in past to not waste money on them for me. I never thought about it before all this but she has always given people cards for dang near any reason you can think of so they're obviously something important to her.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
