Just a couple days before we head out on vacation and it's busy busy. A couple of interesting things this past week I suppose.
We had a fundraiser open house thing this weekend and W's best friend came over. W was busy so the two of us got to talk quite a bit. We talked a lot about me getting in shape, physically at first, and then mentally. She said I had changed so much and she was simply amazed. She said there was always tension in the house before and she didn't feel any of that now. She asked me a lot about it, where did I start, what made me do it, how did I do it, etc. and even jotted down 5LL as a reading suggestion.
Last night we were watching TV and W snugged up under my arm and put my hand on her back. We've been close physically for months, but there was such a warmth and closeness in this...it felt safe and natural. We laughed and joked about the show and it was a lot of fun. There's a lot of stress this week trying to get everything done, so this is really a good sign.
I haven't been on a vacation without electronics in 10 years, so I'm pretty excited. And it's pretty nice to actually be in good shape going to a beach
I might post one more update before we go...but then I'll be out for a week or so.
Breakdown - glad to hear everything is going good. It's nice to get feedback from people in 'real world' that are seeing your changes. Even nicer that it came from W's BF because you know they are talking.
I'm excited for you guys and your vaca. Have a great time! Remember what you always tell me, "No expectations and just enjoy the moment". Talk to ya in a week
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
Even nicer that it came from W's BF because you know they are talking.
Yeah, I thought the same thing. I got the sense that she was thinking "I wish my H would figure this stuff out."
Originally Posted By: Spartan
I'm excited for you guys and your vaca. Have a great time! Remember what you always tell me, "No expectations and just enjoy the moment". Talk to ya in a week
Thanks. My only expectation is to have fun. I will grab every moment I can and make it the best!
All in all, pretty awesome time. As with most family vacations, there was very little "mommy/daddy time" but we had kinda set it up that way so it's not really a disappointment, it's just more tiring than a vacation where the two of us go alone.
We started with a couple of days with my W's dad and really had a good time there. The one interesting thing to note here is that I had a little alone time with the kids' grandmother (by marriage). We had a really good discussion about my changes and her own experiences.
A little history....W's parents are D since W was 10-12 yrs old. W has told me that she never even knew that her parents fought or had a problem until they told her they were getting D. I learned that W's dad didn't know either. His W started a relationship with his best friend and asked for D before he even knew she was unhappy. I'm not sure my W even knows how this went down as my FIL is a pretty stand up guy and I doubt he'd say anything bad about his XW. Not much to do with this, but it gives me a little more insight on W's history and associated beliefs.
After that we did 7 days in the sun and was an absolute blast. There was one day I drank too much and W called me a jerk the next morning (rightfully so, as it was my D12's bday), but she drank too much two days later and was really happy how I handled it. I found myself questioning why W was judgmental about my behavior whereas I showed understanding and compassion for hers, but I didn't mention it. Outside of those two incidents the whole week was pretty awesome. The kids loved it and I definitely would like to return with just me and W in the future for a more romantic vacation, but this was everything I could ask for (except cheap!).
There was absolutely no R talk but W and I were intimate quite a bit. We enjoyed some time alone off and on as kids spent time in the pool or working on HW and enjoyed every minute. One thing I was a little caught by surprise on was we were looking at pictures one day and my W picked one of the two of us at dinner and said "this would be great to give as a gift to your mom and my mom." We grabbed it went as it was a great pic of us but I couldn't help but think, if we're getting D, I don't think they'll particularly like this :p
I had a nice talk with my Dad yesterday and he asked me about the upcoming court date. I was surprised by my reaction a little, as I am really ok with it. I feel like at this point, if that's what she wants, that's ok with me. I am starting to really be myself for the first time in my life, starting to become who I want to be and if W needs to be D'd in order to find her own way, that's ok. Clearly it's not what I want, nor what I think is best, but I'm only 50% of the package here.
With all that said, I am really happy to be home for the holidays!
I'm glad to hear everything went so good on your trip. It gives me hope for mine.
You deal with things much better then I do and I love your attitude. I still struggle with all the mixed signals my W gives and I hope I get to where you are soon. If we're intimate again I'm afraid I'd rush out to redo our vows (JK but you get what I mean).
The talk with the grandmother was very interesting info.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
So glad you had fun Breakdown. You are a model DB'er and we should all take our cues from you! You have learned to be happy IN SPITE OF what your W does or does not do. It doesn't affect you most of the time. And that, my friend, is what we all need to be aiming for.
Me54, H53 M 23, T 25 S20, S18 BD: April 2024 Moved out: August 2024
Love means not giving up on someone even if they've given up on you.
"Being right is the booby prize of life." - Susan Page
Mostly good. Last night was a bit weird as I posted in your thread, but this AM you wouldn't know it as W was all over me. I think that's her way of saying I'm sorry without actually saying it (which is kind of a bummer, since we both did the languages of apology in retrouv and she knows mine).
I posted on Regret's thread that I had a run in with someone a few nights ago that is causing me some confusion. So far I'm following my own advice and steering clear, but had this happened 6 months ago, I'm not sure I'd have been strong enough so I totally get how she feels. With our court hearing 3 weeks out, it's pretty easy to justify anything (I think regardless of your sitch, you can justify anything if you want to), but I want to be true to myself here so we'll wait and see what happens. Too much at stake to do anything stupid.
Outside of that, we are actively planning x-mas and our x-mas eve family get-together. Also going to dinner with my brothers and their wives the day after x-mas, so busy upcoming week.
My dad is totally on my case about getting myself protected on the court case, as I haven't hired an attorney yet (consulted one, but haven't actually hired). His point is valid since I don't really know what's happening. We have a hearing scheduled, but I have never actually been given D papers. I'm starting to wonder if W's going to wait until after the holidays to deliver them or if she's just going to no-show on the hearing.
The whole thing worries me a little as I really feel the need to have that commitment to the M at some point. I worry that she'll do nothing and limbo will continue. Day to day is still amazing for the most part, but the lack of commitment weighs on me sometimes.
On GAL, I'm taking a bit of break on working out as my shoulder's been hurt, but I'm trying to read some fiction to fill the gap. Been a long time since I've been able to do that. One more fun book and then I'll dig back into my self-help stuff and clean up the half read ones I have. Talked to my brothers about getting scuba certified in the spring, so looking forward to that.
On W's front, she's still in regular contact with OM and even went so far as to mention a call to him once last week. I decided to let that one go, as maybe it was accidental and it was work related, but a 2nd slip and I will remind her of our agreement on this front.
Oh, one other weird thing this AM. W was telling me about her phone and it being disabled for some reason. I asked her if one of the kids was trying to unlock it or something and she says "I'm pretty sure I don't have a lock on it right now." Well that's new....is this "I trust you not to snoop" or "I don't have anything to hide"?
So I guess, still happy limbo, at least for another couple of weeks.
