Hey JJ just read your sitch and I'm sorry you're here and feel your pain.
Originally Posted By: justjudy
Also, did I do the right thing just letting it go with no comment or should I have challenged him? Thinking for next time.
Just my take here but I think you did the right thing. Challenging him in front of someone wouldn't have accomplished anything and would have likely ended in a fight between you two with no real value. I also don't think bringing it up with just the 2 of you does any good either. You need to act 'as if' you're moving on so what do you care what he tells strangers. I would ignore it and let him live his life of lies. It will eventually catch up to him, in the end liars always lose.
Originally Posted By: justjudy
On a positive note I think I am seeing some clarity with regards to 180s. At fist the idea seemes a bit artificial to me, like I needed changing to suit H, with a motivation that was a bit manipulative. However, what I am now coming to see is that the process needs to involve thinking about behaviours that you can 180 to improve yourself as a person and therefore will lead to a better future for me. Regardless of whether that future ends up being with H or not. Self development not change just for the sake of change. In a lot of ways, we are being given a unique opportunity to stop and take stock of our lives and life philosophies. To work out what is really important to us and decide what kind of person we want to be moving forward. I get to evaluate and improve on the 'past me' to make a better 'future me'. Thats really empowering and exciting.
That's exactly right! I think many of us had that feeling of being manipulative the first time we read about the concept because we were in the mindset of doing anything to save M. Since I realized that's not the case and the 180's are for us it has made a lot of things much easier and I've been feeling better about myself.
Originally Posted By: justjudy
Anyway Dad showed me what to then sat back while I mowed my lawns for the first time ever! I swear we were as excited as each other when I was done.
Best of all, at D10's school concert a few days later H leaned across our other daughter and offered to come over this weekend and mow the lawns. So I calmly said " thanks but they have already been done". Yay for me and what great timing!!
That's awesome! It shows you are moving on and becoming more independent. I actually thought of this scenario when I was considering moving out and I thought I might help with lawn work until house sold (I honestly don't have a good answer why I thought I would continue doing it). If she mowed it herself it would have me thinking she doesn't need me anymore which is what you want so well done.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
