"I feel like there is about 10 people telling me a bunch of different things. so please be patient if I have questions or am confused."

Because you're not listening. Everyone has told you the SAME thing. You're just not listening or are selectively listening.

"I did some thinking and decided I need to change how I am for me and for my kids."

Really? this is what EVERYONE has been telling you from Day one. You're not listening.

"If my wife doesn't change then that will be something I deal with then."

NOr should she have to change. From my perspective, you're the one that needs to change. All of her actions are as a result of what you did.

M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER