Hello LMF - your threads are not lost, it takes time, and it seems as if some of the vets are taking some time as well.
I have read your post and it does sound like you going through some nasty MLC spew. Your H is in his selfish phase, narcissistic phase and there is nothing you can say that will make it better.
Stay quiet, boy did I learn that the hard way. Everything you say will be held against you. It sounds like him leaving has been the better choice, but try to stay away for the ''talk''.
If he is responsive to you, never bring it up, it makes them recoil, and don't make anything of it, they can still be 100 persent on board with original plans while feeling out where their at with you.
Silence and peace doesn't mean reconciliation, it just gives them the peacefulness to proceed as far as they feel they need to take this before deciding what they want.
My H was so nice, attentive, as I was quiet and validating, one day he just hit me with, "nothings changed, I still want to leave and don't L you".
That's when I realized it's not me, new clothes, perfume, weight loss, contacts, girly nighty's, nothing matters to the MLCer in this stage. Oh, he noticed even went as far as telling me men were staring, I could get any guy, even a younger one.
This is your gift of time. Whatever he says, don't believe anything, don't count on him, don't trust him. You will feel better when you give him the blame and take care of yourself and D. Be the best you, he will continue to see, be the one in he would be crazy to leave.
You going to C is great, don't stop even if he does. And, your question about giving him attention, I thought the same thing, but it's different attention from different people they sometimes seek.
Different characters...my H calls it balancing his crazy stupid self w/the goodness of me. "He" needs that balance of wild and normal, well it's what I need so I get further and further from him, it's been 18months with this ea crap.
I understand the whole band scene, oh yea, my H works behind stage with the big guys, and yes there is always a skank, so he finally found one that he can "talk to better than me".
But, we can't say anything, literally, it just works against you, and pushes them to ea/ow for more understanding. Remember they meet him and accept him like he is now, you would never want who he is today, would you?
Keep reading and posting, you will get more replies, I will continue to read!
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
