I feel like there is about 10 people telling me a bunch of different things. so please be patient if I have questions or am confused.
I'll try to address 25 first.
The first time I got the books, I didn't read them and my wife found them. She thought it was some tricks to get her back (after my big mistake) So I threw them away in front of her.
The second time was earlier this year. I read the books a couple of times and took notes. I lost the notes. I have a learning disability where I don't always retain what I read..that is why I took the notes. I haven't located the thoughts and think my wife might have found them and tossed them. I asked her once and she acted like she didn't know what I was talking about.
I have now read the book again.
We do try not to fight in front of the kids and the worst of it was from before we had them.
I did some thinking and decided I need to change how I am for me and for my kids. If my wife doesn't change then that will be something I deal with then. I want to be a better dad and better man because they deserve it and so do I.
Tonight I backed off my wife tonight. No following, giving her space. I tried to be friendly and upbeat, but I do admit that I went in the bathroom to cry after the kids went to bed. I was so ashamed to be a grown man crying in the bathroom. I also was trigged every time my wife was texting someone- I made a mistake and asked her if she was texting her sister. she said no and that was that.
i was also triggered when my wife asked our oldest to get someone out of HER room and not Mommy and daddy's room. it seems that in only a few days she's gotten rid of all the stuff that used to be mine in there and is now calling in her space. She put my stuff in a box by the door to the inlaw apartment. I guess I deserve it.
I also asked to talk about the computer issue. I told her that I need access to the computer and since we split the bills she had no right to put a lock on it. She said that I broke her trust by snooping, that here was nothing going on with my friend, but I screwed up that friendship pretty bad, she said I acted like a complete azz. I apologized for that and she looked stunned. In the end we compromised and she said that she'd but a guest account that I could use.
I never said I saw a therapist for years. I saw him earlier this year. I admit I didn't go into the sessions with the right approach. i wasn't 100% honest with him and my progress suffered, then I stopped going.
I found a new councilor today who is familiar with Michelle's work. I'm also considering the telephone sessions when some extra money becomes available.
with respect to my health, I wanted to see a doctor about lap band surgery to help with my weight issue. I wanted to see if it was an option. In the mean time, I worked on a exercise plan - that includes walking 3+ miles every other day, and on the off days, I will do some light weights and stuff.
