[i] I have had to let L burn away with my anger, or dig it down so deep, because I can't handle the obligations that it comes with.
He expresses how his failures in life's efforts for us, have turned into rage, and he has reached his limitations for how high he can take this family, so he's going to take this rage and die trying.
Just don't expect him to be the way he was because "that" guy failed, lets see what this a$$whole can do, rage is his motivator
Dawn, Hearing what your H had to say has again led me to some insight into what goes on with these guys.
The above fits my stbx pretty much exactly. He has said he's a failure and an a$$hole and has ruined our lives. He believed it was because he was 'too nice', 'too moral' in his business dealings and got taken advantage of again and again. He vowed never to be like that again.
What worries me is that he'll never feel right about himself again until he 'achieves' materially. And realistically, that is unlikely to happen.
Still, your H seems to be having major insights, so maybe he will pull through this and come out the other side a better man.
Thanks for posting all of this - it really helps. Best, NLW
