Boundaries are definitely my issue. Especially with H. I have never set any. I really think that his anger is at having some. Perhaps I am wrong? Who knows. I am tired of even thinking about it and trying to analyze why he does what he does. It's stupid of me to try. No matter what he chooses I have no control over it. I just want normal and quiet. :-)
Boundaries are definitely my issue. Especially with H. I have never set any. I really think that his anger is at having some
Hi MK, it's interesting that you say this because my H said Sat. why haven't "I" made him leave yet, why haven't I stopped him from doing what he's doing, why are his clothes not tossed down the porch?
It's does sound like he's almost disappointed that I'm not forcing his hand to not be so free to make these choices. He even said as long as I don't he's going to keep doing what he want's.
We don't have to be the bad guys, the one they will blame when we do take a stand they disagree with. So I do nothing much, how about you? Any thoughts on how we work through this catch 22?
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!
It is obvious he is furious. I don't care. His issue not mine. I have had a really good day. I sort of think he is mad that I am getting on with my life and frankly, lots of positive things are happening. I have to wonder if it is a sign for me to keep moving forward.
I'm so pleased, Melissa, that lots of positive things are happening. Your H does sound furious and as if he's not helping his case with your children. You definitely are moving forward and sound much more detached. Keep going!
Me: 51 H: 52 T: 23 yrs M: 19 yrs S18, D16, S14 (special needs) PA: 2003/2004 Piecing: 2004 on Suspect H had EA: 8/2012-12/2012
Melissa, I stopped by to see how you're doing, and I'm glad to see that you're more detached and positive. Keep it going. And remember it's okay if the crummy feelings return. (((())))
Well we have had major trauma/drama since I was last here. I was at work on sat. Kids seemed okay. I headed home (it's about an hour drive) and stopped to get dinner. Next thing I know kids called police are there arresting s14. Apparently he had been out in the woods with his sister (had a rifle) also most of the area around our home IS wooded we are in the natl Forrest park area - anyway over the hill and through a field is a store- literally we can see it from the house. He sat outside d11 went in and bought one of those monster drinks. While he is sitting on the bench he realizes the gun has a round chambered. So he goes to unload it and it goes off. He shot a hOle straight up through the eave of the store. Apparently then he spoke to the lady that was working apologized and he and D11 left thinking it was over. So they walked home. Come to find out they called the police and he was arrested on a first degree felony of wanton endangerment. Apparently our neighbor (we have a prob with) told them S14 was shooting at cars and just shot into the store. Evidence is showing that is all lies but in the meantime until the state attorney can look at it and decide if he should be tried as an adult he is going to stay in jail in juvenile detention facility. At this point he will be there until the 12th before next hearing. In regards to H he has taken absolutely no responsibility for giving s the gun. In fact quite the contrary. He has been hard very hard on s telling him not to listen to me. Refuses to see how anything he did us impacting this. While I absolutely am livid with s for this h enabled it by giving him the gun out of guilt. Also on the h front- he lied to cops gave fake addy and phone and has just been a real jerk. No shock there. He has actually been there and very living toward s in other ways. The jaded part of me thinks it's an act. I dunno. I look at him and even seeing him pisses me off. This is so stupid. All of this- fall out from the h situation. Did speak with county attorney today even spoke about protection orders. He is same one that helped me have h involuntarily committed a couple years ago said it would be no problem if things start escalating. I suspect though H depression is back big time. I could be wrong. He still wants kids to come over there I say fine but he never sets up a time. Again I wonder if he is doing meth. Who knows. I just keep on keeping on. My step mother and brother driving from Ohio tonight going to go have dinner and stay at lodge with them. Probably the best to get away for a bit. That's all I know. Hope you guys are well. I'm hanging in there. Today has been rough.
My guess is a 72 hour psych hold - enforced by law / court due to safety issues. Here in KY, that's the longest one can be in a hospital w/o further court orders. I'm up north of you, Melissa, that's why I asked awhile ago.
Sorry for how the other post looked. I was on my phone.
He was actually in for 7 days. Basically after the 72 hours he was told they didn't feel he was ready to leave and he could voluntarily stay or they would take additional action to keep him there. They wanted to be certain he was stabilized before letting him out.
He made several comments that made me think the depression is back. When I spoke to him this evening to relay what the county attorney said as well as S attorney he sounded very flat. Also, didn't really respond much. In addition, Sat when we were at police station with S we had gone out to get a pop and he said to me "You should have just let me kill myself. By now all of this would be over and done and everyone would have had closure." I didn't respond. He really didn't give me time to as he walked away but also I had no idea what to say.
I am not certain about the meth but I really am wondering. Something is just off. I can't place it. Drugs are always a possibility with his history.
Life is sort of running me over right now. More than ever I see how little I have control of. I just seem to be along for the ride. Many of the things that have happened I have had little to anything to do with. Yet it just continues.
I am very upset about a couple of other things. Like I was told no visitation for S. Apparently they did allow visitation and H went. Not to sound whiney or anything but he never said a word. One would think that if you are concerned with childs welfare you would have shared that. He never did. My thoughts are if it was the other way around I would have shared that info with H if for no other reason than thinking regardless of my feelings S needs all the support he can get. Does that make sense? H never ever said a word.
Also all the hoopla about how his phone was broke and all of that. Not true. He still is using the same phone just bought a new sim card. Not sure why he did that but he definitely had no intentions of telling me. He accidentally texted me from the new number. Texted S actually but he and I had traded phones.
Then tonight he said when I finally heard from him that he had just forgotten to ever turn his phone back on once we left the courthouse. I'm not really buying that one.
The flip side is as I said - he is very loving towards S. One of the things I noticed is how much touch there is. That probably sounds dumb. But literally he rubs his back, holds his hand, hugs him, pats his arm. Almost over kill. At one point I had to actually say do you think I might get a moment with him. I would like to think it is genuine. I sort of doubt it. Part of it, I think is him trying to cover his own butt for giving S the rifle.
I stupidly try to reason with H when I see him. Basically, at one point at the police station I said - do you realize she had 4 FB profiles that she was using? Why would she do those things? He never answered me, just got angry.
I have no idea what is going on with H and really could care less. Sadly I am moving into the ambivalent column. That;s bad because I realize how detrimental ambivalence is.
Any way, that is what has been happening. Not sure anyone can offer advice it just is what it is.
Thanks for being concerned my wonderful "imaginary" friends.
