He said he could move back. I told him that is not the answer. I told him I didn't want him back unless he was willing to work on the marriage. We also talked about his trip with OW which he continues to say they are just friends. I told him what did he think everyone else thought? What did the kids think?
Well done! I hope this was a civil conversation and not a shouting match, but as far as your replies, that's what he needs to hear.
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He said again he needed a break but that he really didn't get that. I said I guess that is my fault.
Try not to guilt-trip him though.
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Is anyone else getting this from their S? They don't like living out of the house but blame it on the LBS that they won't leave? What do I say?
Not in my sitch, but I've definitely read this a lot on these forums. Just tell him you're standing your ground because you want to work on the M and he's welcome to join you if that is his goal as well. HE is the one that wants to break up the M so HE is the one that needs to suffer the discomfort of being displaced.
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I did make it clear to him that I was doing fine, I would handle D15 (the others are away at college) and I was moving on with my life.
Great, that's good DB'ing!
Originally Posted By: complicated
He also had told me a couple of times on previous occasions that he was thinking about moving back home. So, I asked him why? He said he had been doing a lot of thinking and he wasn't any happier living at his parents and both his friends and the kids think he should give it another shot. Which is great that I seem to have a support network out there but I want "him" to want to be back. He also said that he had enjoyed the time we had spent together lately and he thinks he should give us a second chance.
Fantastic, that's a really good sign! He's coming to the realization that you were not the cause of his unhappiness. That's a big turning point for a WAS. And he's enjoying spending time with you, another big plus. Your reaction was just right- you don't want to rush back into things and you need to know that he's in it to make the M work, not just for convenience.
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Not sure if I'm doing the right thing as far as DB goes.
It sounds like you are doing great. You might start reading some of the info in the "piecing" forum as you may be transitioning to that stage soon.
