I'm going to allow myself the achievement of 1 goal and part achievement of another until it becomes routine. Picked S up this evening n was v upbeat. W asked me in and after about 5mins asked if I had time for a coffee. I know it was an easy win but it keeps me positive. She even showed me around the house and actually seemed pleased to see me!
W watched me n dog n S play for a while. When we left I said to W have a good weekend n she asked me to let her know we got home safe - ice n fog so bad drivin conditions.
I txt when we arrived home and she replied 'I already feel lost,enjoy ur weekend'. I replied u enjoy some peace n quiet.
Well this was a reasonable step for me as W has not said enjoy ur weekend or anything of the sort since before BD.
Got a good weekend planned with S that I am looking forward to. I am starting to worry that I will come crashing down as my pma seems to be right up there at the moment!! Not that I'm complaining.
Thanks FY. I know she has only moved out properly for a week. But she was spending 95% of her time there for the last few weeks anyway.
But she did look v different (lost!) and I almost felt a bit sorry for her. She has text me a few times this morning as well -mainly about S but made comments like bless him, he must be happy etc etc when I tell her what we have planned or have been doing in response to her asking how he is. She even made another joke!
I try not to read too much into all this but it does feel calmer between us and nothing like the tension of the last few months. I know it is working for me personally as I feel in a different place personaly than I was a few weeks ago both mentally and physically.
I could use a little help again. I dropped S off at school this am and needed to drop his weekend stuff at W house too before work (she lives close to school so not a problem).
Anyway, she invited my in for coffee (again!) and we had a good conversation - nothing important, just general stuff.
I remained upbeat and when it came to me leaving she looked kinda sad stood on the doorstep. I know I perhaps shldnt have but asked if she was okay. She nodded then shook her head and burst into tears.
I gave her a hug (we both initiated it, sort of went to hug each other at the same time). She said its just hard and that she does not want me to think she is sat there all happy now she has left. I simply replied I know. Told her to take care and left.
This got my emotions running on my drive to work. I know she will probably be feeling guilty etc etc.
What I am more worried about is that I keep my words v short but not purposely, I just don't know what else to say. I don't want to admit its hard on me because I need to be the strong one and it is not about me. But is there anything more I could be saying in these sitchs other than I know! How would I know - it is not me who has left and in her head!
Also, is this common? Reading other sitchs it seems the WAS does not show remorse/guilt/emotion etc etc and I am worried that I may miss opportunities to improve things.
Again, this is a v short timescale as she has only been gone just over a week now so it will feel strange for her. But she is opening up a little to me by the look of it.
Any suggestions would be useful on this. Mainly because if W started to show any emotion at all I thought it would be a few months off and she keeps catching me off guard!
Mainly journalling but more positive steps I think.
Been v busy. Yesterday my boss asked if I fancied a temp promotion managing a team in London - but starting next week. I accepted with the provision that I could still take S to school Monday am and be back friday to pick him up from W. He agreed so looks like I will be living away during the week.
Am still unsure whether this will benefit detachment or hamper my DBing! But it is a good opportunity for me personally and a chance to do something a bit different and meet new people. Any opinion on this would be useful but I don't see W or S during the week and will spend weekends at home. It also just for 2 months but am worried that I may miss opps to spend time with W during the week.
I also had a job interview today so it is all happening on the job front at the moment!
W text me out of the blue this am to wish me luck and signed the text off with a kiss. Now I know I shouldnt get excited about signing a text off with a kiss but again W has not done this on a text since BD so will take it as a baby step. I replied thanking her for the support and signed off my text with a kiss too.
W still making all the initial contact by text and we are having some funny moments together albeit via text - I have never been a text person unlike W who is v into text messaging. So guess I must be getting better if we can joke with each other this way.
So all seems faily positive still at the moment. I need to work on doing an activity together with S which is my next goal. I am thinking of raising this when I see her after dropping S at school on Monday as he will be off during the xmas holidays and it would be a good opp for us to plan something.
Am still unsure whether this will benefit detachment or hamper my DBing!
I've always questioned how spouses are supposed to work out their differences while apart. It seems to me being apart makes them feel better because it takes the pressure off... but then they also learn they can be happy without the other.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Thanks FY. I agree with what you are saying. However, I do not see W during the week anyway since we separated (except S pick up Friday evening and drop S things off Monday morning after I leave him at school) so it would make no difference. I will still do pick up and drop off as usual. I would just be staying away from Monday and coming back Friday afternoon each week. Obviously not during christmas period either and it will be for a max of 2 months (I would never do this permanently). We can also still talk on the phone/text etc.
We are not at the point of working out our differences and are only just at the beginning of the first signs of starting to enjoy communicating with each other again. But this is mostly day to day stuff and no talk about R or anything like that other than when W showed emotion last week.
My main worry is that W would see this as me not being around for her/putting work or me first etc. My main motivation is that I still see myself as the provider and if I can earn more for all of us then I will. I am 4 hrs drive away if I do need to come back for whatever reason and if things change with W then obviously that would always be my priority and work know that. I will see her Monday before I go and I would like to somehow tell her that. However, I cannot put life and opportunities on hold either.
But IDK. Please tell it as it is - am I being selfish? will this make any difference, am I overthinking it?. I do love W dearly but am starting to enjoy life again and realise that I had lost me in the M as well.
