MLC w/Depression...withdrawing!

[albamarie]

"I wish I could shoot a rubberband at God's face"
As my H takes bands off of his arm these are is last words out of his mouth before he goes into regret. The hour leading up to this childish comment - like a son to a F which I guess is what it was - my H was enraged while describing his fall from Him and the injustice in life.

They really are seeking something better. The funny thing is some spouses here (I think most but they don't say it), mine included, who know it's not their S's or children, it's something they have to do so deep inside them, we just get in the way and become the source of their anger. Again, like a whinny child not wanting to follow rules, they think it's better ''over there'' if they could just get past, US!

We used to laugh over the last 24yrs that my H was the 5th child here, boy did I put my foot in that one. This college phase is really making him gutsy, and stalker-ish. I'm going to get my S24 fraternity paddle and let H have it real soon!

I think H is on this kick that because he's not having a PA he's somehow entitled to go hang with w/ea, and because he still is home most of the time, working, and keeping up with the finances, this "good boy" should be allowed to go play w/friends.

I said why do you come home then, I don't want any of this in my life. He said, get this script - because I want my cake and eat it too! "I'm not going to loose who and what I have here, but I am going to continue to find my way through this world that God has seem to forgotten" Que the rubber bands!

I read here that a lot of S's get ILYBINILWY. I get I don't love you, or the kids, because I have had to let L burn away with my anger, or dig it down so deep, because I can't handle the obligations that it comes with.

He expresses how his failures in life's efforts for us, have turned into rage, and he has reached his limitations for how high he can take this family, so he's going to take this rage and die trying.

Just don't expect him to be the way he was because "that" guy failed, lets see what this a$$whole can do, rage is his motivator

I continue to do my own thing, sort of GALing, not really caring about his tornado. I am pushing back w/him and challenging him (not to the point of arguing) but standing up for myself, I don't care if he leaves, almost welcome it, so that helps me be stronger.

I have spat back a few words and am amazed at how it doesn't change anything, no threat to leave, almost weakness now showing on his part.

On another thread someone thought maybe their H want's boundaries and is angry she hasn't given him any all this time. I can see that in my H's comments, "who's going to stop me, blah blah, ect.

I think this may be true, but because it's time at this stage, at this phase, timing is everything. I am going to be stronger and stronger w/my boundaries, again, I'm stronger because "I don't care about rocking the sitch, I am ready que sera sera!