Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

H stopped by last night. I was not in the best mood because of the D15 ordeal the previous night and she left stuff all over the house for me to pick up. Then one of the dogs peed on the newly finished floor which made me really mad because he has been outside a lot. H was not there long then said he was leaving because he could tell I was in a bad mood.

I told him not because of him but because of what I just said. Anyway I said why are you here? He said I came by to see you. No one else is here so why else would I be here? I said then you need to tell me that because I still can't read minds. That might sound ignorent but he always thinks that "I should know". So I told him that was nice that he came by to see me and if he wanted to talk I would not take the prior situations out on him. We did talk a little bit about D15 and he admitted that he was part of the problem there which is huge.

He also had told me a couple of times on previous occasions that he was thinking about moving back home. So, I asked him why? He said he had been doing a lot of thinking and he wasn't any happier living at his parents and both his friends and the kids think he should give it another shot. Which is great that I seem to have a support network out there but I want "him" to want to be back. He also said that he had enjoyed the time we had spent together lately and he thinks he should give us a second chance.

Since we were not having the whole R talk while he was sitting in his car the only thing I said right then was I don't want you moving back home if you are tired of living at your parents because that is not a good reason and that I was still "hurt" about him taking that OW on the trip with him but it is what it is and can't change it. I also told him that he did not think of how the kids would feel, or me, when he did it. He admitted it didn't probably look good but he really needed a break from work, life etc and she was the only one who could go. He again said it was nothing that they didn't even hang out. She did her thing and he did his.

I can be soooo gullible I know and it makes it worse because I know the old H would never do something like that. I did tell him that a friendship like that is not good for a M but did not go into no contact yet but I will if he does decide to move back.

We also talked about the stuff I needed to talk to him about like taxes and a little about D15. He knows that is going to be a battle with her. Nothing else said on moving back or R. I guess that will come sometime and I did not push for further talk. We did have a nice evening together. Then he left. It will be interesting to see how the rest of the week goes. We were supposed to go out of town with D15 this weekend, but were staying separately so it will be interesting to see where that goes.

Not sure if I'm doing the right thing as far as DB goes. We have had issues for about 3 years or more and he has been living away for about 8 months although we saw pretty much of each other. He has noticed changes and of course I told him that I am working on myself and I like where I am. I also told him that it took me a while to get to a good place and I didn't want him coming back if he wasn't going to work on things. I told him I didn't "need" him and didn't want to go through the hurt if he was moving home because he was tired of living with parents and not work on "us" I said it would be nice to have him back if it was for the right reasons. He also admitted again that he had some blame and I admitted I did too and that I was wrong for some of the things I had done.

I also told him that if he could move past the things he was holding grudges on that he would probably feel better.

So "when" the move is going to happen has never been set and I'm not going to bring it up. Just happy that he is thinking about it. I'm sure the kid's reaction to going with OW helped.