i thought i replied - but don't see it, so guess i didn't. i hear him on the steps (and the approach is from my back- so i paniked and got out quickly. i just don't even want him knowing about this place. if he did- he could find me- he is that "into" computers & all this covert spy junk. who needs that aggro?
anyway- i know, moms! i too had a very nice "family" going with h . i thought he'd always be there. he was such a total (kind of) recluse- as far as social life or friends outside of me.
stupid me- he had the office all day- no wonder he didn't wan anything more in evenings. tho, i worked too most of the time- so same here.
now that i'm here- i don't have much to say. got a tree- put it up but not decorated.
had a giant screamer w/ mom this morning. she came over early- totally looking for "action" - and any year now i'm going to remember this and "get it" and just not respond.
you're rite that i need to be dbing with her also. just stfu- and let her rip.
she was pulling out all the stops tho- after bashing me- telling me how wonderful my oder sister is - she even dragged my ex husband into it and how stupid i was to ever mrry him- oh man- is it any wonder i forget all my good intentions and start defending myself. then, of course- ka bammm-0 kaboom - etc.
cripes - you'd think i'd learn?!!! What, just because i stop what i'm doing to fix her tea- and sit and "entertain" her- can i be so nuts to think she'll quit complaining about everything in the world- complete with she came over for dinner last nite- but was complaining that we're not as pleasant and chatty in evewning as in the morning??? sooo- what? had a lousy time? company not as good as she'd like? i'm telling y0u- i wonder honestly if she has any idea what she says and how she says it?
oh well- took a sleepnig pill and feeling rested - so yay.
need to dig this owrkroom otu of junk so can make some christmas gifts- have the urge to make them this year.
have a couple things to mail from ebay- and some stuff to put away that brought from fla- so plenty to do.
ill get busy- just wanted to say hi.
AND NO, if i'm gonig to be honest (and i don't like it believe me) - i'd say we're gonna end up in the trash can. i don't think i'll be able to "do" this w/ ow around- i don't think h will realize how important i am to his life and his happiness til i'm long gone and probably close to hating the sight of him. he'l l push it and push it til i've had enough- and it'll be too darn late for me to ever feel anything for him again.
i'm hoping i'm wrong- i don't thijnk i am. like you, i want that Christmas miracle- i'm still working on "geting out there" more- have no interest in men thanks alot- but hopefully some day my revulsion will pass -
trust - for hm or anyone? it's anyone's call.
okay- now even tho i feel like it's going to be a dreary christmas- i'm thinking i'll get together some friends to make some ornaments of some kind- drink some wine- laugh- don't know what, who or anything. just an idea -
keeping a good thought and a good attitude today.
we have the rest of our lives to be wise and "together" - only hneed to float thru this day and be glad we're not in middle of a fight with our mothers ! oiy...
i guess that's the good news - it's over and not likely to occur again today - fingers crossed.
it's sunny and i'm going to rake- tidy front curb and check out the lights and see if any light out there-
