Separation at 17.5 months

[Accuray]

I've been thinking about your sitch quite a bit and I have to say that I'm angry about H's attitude toward the kids. He seems to be striving toward the minimum, which you've picked up on and have been pushing him to face, which I think is a good strategy on your part.

It seems wrong to me that when they turn 18, he can walk away without any commitment for health insurance, college support, or enough spousal support to keep a roof over their heads. I can understand that he might be worried about what he can afford, and he might be worried about getting locked into a contract that leaves him less than what he needs to live, but he could say those things right? He could say that although the agreement he is proposing is fairly barebones, that he recognizes that he has an obligation to support things like sports and college, and that he will make his best effort to do so.

My W's parents divorced while she was in college (her mother cheated and asked for divorce). Her father was remarried within about 18 months to a woman about 10 years younger. They then proceeded to adopt two boys, and in many ways he just stopped being a father to his two girls from his first marriage. He was investing in his second family's college funds before considering helping his youngest daughter who was struggling financially day to day. There was a very clear "you're on your own" message.

You can argue that no one is "entitled" to a college education, but if providing that is something that's been important to both of you in your marriage, then it seems particularly crappy to walk away leaving $6K in cash for two college tuitions and no commitment to provide anything else.

Ad, do the terms of the separation agreement automatically roll forward into a divorce settlement, or is it only a bridging agreement from the beginning of separation until divorce?

Has your lawyer reviewed your sitch? What did he or she say about the proposal and about your options? If I were in your shoes I would just want the house straight up without a buy-out, you assume the mortgage, and he pays child support, some level of spousal support, provides health insurance to you for some period and for the kids until they are 26 or until they have coverage through an employer, and some commitment for support of tuition and living expenses through college. Sure, that's going to be hard on him and expensive, but this is his choice. You've made it clear that he can always choose door number two and work on his marriage.

Accuray