So, at least I seem to be getting a bit better at recognizing these "Love Avoidant" guys earlier (although somehow I keep attracting them into my sphere).
Was chatting with a guy from online dating. Age appropriate (just 5 years younger), attractive, but lives 1 1/2 hours away. I had already guessed from a few clues that he might be yet another middle-aged love avoidant hermit - but he was smart and funny and I didn't want to jump to conclusions.
Finally the other night we had a long telephone conversation and I got to know a little more about him. It was a delightful conversation - he's smart, creative, funny, interesting. We talked for about 2 1/2 hours. I didn't get too excited though, since we haven't met in person yet and I was still picking up those "hermit" signals.
Sure enough - the next morning he sends me a long text message. All about how much he enjoyed our chat and how great he thinks I am - and how he shouldn't waste my time because he has (by his own admission) been avoiding being in any relationships for the last two years. (Although he would very much like to be my friend).
My take on it - we had such a great time chatting, it scared the bejesus out of his love avoidant self. Because I'm the real deal, not some woman he could just casually date and dump and still feel good about himself.
It helps so much to understand this whole Love Avoidant phenomenon - otherwise I would be scratching my head right now, wondering what I said wrong. But I can see that it's really just that he's yet another love avoidant guy, scared to death of being engulfed by a relationship, although he's standing outside the bakery window drooling.
And I can even see where it comes from in his case - he's told me enough about his past to put the puzzle pieces together.
Oh well - at least it was refreshing to find a guy that was smart and clever and could hold a good conversation. Now, to find one of those who is NOT broken!!!
