Very sad to be here but H says he is leaving

[brokenheart71]

update/journaling
I have not responded to his text asking for my (more) support to have the girls stay with him more.
On Sat he did not show up to D's game - texted me that there was an emergency at his office (not sure if he is telling the truth but not going to worry about it). So I was annoyed (him saying he wants/needs to spend more time with them but not showing up to their activities) but then we (girls and I) were at a football game (my brother is the coach and it was a huge game) H texted me a couple times about the game before it started, then he found it on TV and proceeded to text me about 50 or 60 during the game (I replied about 10 times)all re the game.
Sunday afternoon he texts me "What are you guys up to this afternoon?" I respond within about 10 minutes, tell him what we had done during the day and that we were then watching NFL football (our home team) and ended with "how about you?" No response. He did call several hours later to tell the girls good night. Then even later he texted me about some bills, I told him my car needed brakes and tires. He said no problem.
Then this morning he called on our way to school, talked to the girls then wanted to talk to me again. He asked if I had some time to talk later this afternoon. I said yes. Hang up and my mind started racing. I literally started to feel sick to my stomach. My girls had told me that on Friday they had met a lady and her two sons at the Christmas light show. I have no idea if it was a "date" or business related or what. I had tried not to be thinking about it but all of a sudden this morning I started thinking that he wanted to talk because he was going to tell me that he was dating. I knew I would worry all day so after I dropped kids at school I called back and asked if we could either talk sooner or at least tell me what it was about. It ended up that it was that his company was laying off 3 people and he "didn't want me to hear it somewhere else". I was sympathetic, sorry that he had to do that. Then I also mentioned that I would still like to get a better grip on our financial sitch, that I didn't want to find out in a few months that we have been going into debt each month. He agreed and said that he knew that he stilled owed me that info (its complicated because his partnership agreement is changing right now, he should start making more money but the business had a bad few months and the other partners are kind of dragging their feet) but he would try to get it to me at the end of this week. And at the end he asked me how I am doing and sounded sincere. I answered that I am doing ok, probably could have sounded more sincere.
So really a whole lot of nothing has happened
I do realize that I am having trouble with "loving detachment". I think I either feel desperate to get him back or kind of angry and done with him. I am either loving or detached - but not both. I hope to work on finding that middle ground.