The house is for sale. So sad, Family is breaking.

[sandi2]

Did she ever do anything to show that the A had ended?

You asked me how my stitch turned around. I guess everyone thinks their's is different, but as of today, I have not read any other that is quite like mine.

I chose to stay in the M after I received help from people here on the board. I learned a lot! I made the decision based on what was "the right thing to do", and not on my feelings. I asked my H if he would go with me to a MC and he refused. So, my therapy was here on the board.

My H did stop his controlling and smothering behavior. He finally realized he could not make me love him, so he backed off. I know I really hurt him. We had always had complete trust in each other....and I messed that up.

One of the things he tried to do (when he was trying to catch me contacting OM) was to stand behind me when I was on the computer. He was watching to see what I was doing....and to see if OM was contacting me. In fact, I was in the middle of talking to OM and when H came behind me, I immediately clicked to another window on the computer. But, the OM was didn't know what was going on and he was chatting with me and his message came up on the screen. Bad night! Anyway, when I ended the A, I always made sure that all my computer activity & history was open for him to read. Whenever he came and stood behind me, I never stopped or changed screens. I know he searched to see what activity I did every day, and I knew he had to do that to see that I had truly ended the A. I stopped all suspcious behavior, like shutting the door when I wanted time alone to contact OM, and things like that. Even today, I keep my email password taped on the computer for him to see. That's my way of showing him that I'm open and have nothing to hide from him.

If a person wants to continue an A, they will figure out how to do it and the S can't really stop it by watching the phone bills or searching for new emails. But I chose to end it and I wanted my H to know I was being honest with him. I didn't want to talk about the OM and my H didn't discuss him with me. He had already read about everything in the emails. The OM was not our problem, and we had talked about the real problem between us. I think if we had went to MC after I was willing to end the A, it would have helped us to progress faster. But we are still together and I am the one who is grateful.

She may have ended the A but doesn't want to think about the OM and what happened, IDK. But if she continued to act suspicious, then I would wonder if she was still in contact with him. I went through withdrawal symptoms and I don't know if I could have made it if it had not been for the encouragement from this board. They explained what was happening to me and why. They told me what to expect and what to do when it happened.

It was a long, hard stuggle but we made it. That is why I always say that it takes much longer than the newcomer ever dreams. Sometimes the D is stopped before it's finalized, but it always takes time to heal and to work through the problems.