M, you know when a child gets caught with their hand in the cookie jar when they were told no cookies til dinner? And then they do everything they can to make it better with you so you wont be mad?
That's an MLCer. Now, I dont know who Bubba is. Could be who he says, could be who you suspect. Clearly he didnt want you to know. And so, he is acting like a child because frankly that's about where his mind is right now.
I know how hard it is to live with someone is crisis. Here's the thing. This is his journey to take. You can't rush him through it, nor can he. He has to navigate his way through it in his own time and in his own way.
But this is also an opportunity for you to figure out who you are and what you want. It is a real gift in a lot of ways. I know it doesnt seem like it at times.
I would put your marriage safely in a box and store in on a shelf for now. In time you will know what you want and what you dont. I dont think that time is now. You are still early into this and still trying to understand it all.
It really is best to remember that your job is to let him walk this. And then begin your own journey.
Who do you want to be? What things did you always want to try?Classes you wanted to take, places you wanted to visit.
I looked to the people I admired and tried to figure out what it is I admired about them. I would visualize the kind of person I wanted to be. And each day I would try to be that person. Some days I make it, some I dont, but each day I try.
We really are in charge of our own happines. Nothing or no one can provide that for us. We get to choose.
I knew that if I let myself get caught up in his crisis it would keep me angry. And that anger would sap my energy and weigh me down. It would stop me from moving forward and would give him all the power.
I also knew that I loved him. Unconditionally. Now that didnt mean he got a free pass from his bad behavior. But it did mean that I loved him enough to let him go.
And when I did, I found me.
You will know when you are ready what you want from your marriage and what you do not. The answers will come to you when they should.
For right now, try to detach as much as you can. Let him blow in the wind.
