Update - So after the failed kiss (baby oops, not baby pops), I realized the need to pull back. As we were all leaving she pulled me close to her for a simple kiss. We all had a good time at the skating bday party. W was on her phone from time to time, not sure exactly what, bit I did my best to not seem bothered, too much. I left early with only S2 as S7 wanted to stay and skate. For his first time, he did awesome. It was one of those good feeling moments. .
S2 and relaxed on the couch watching cartoons, he was super cute, despite it being so late. Eventually they all came back, and W was interactive and we had a good time watching SNL. So we are least good friends at this time. Take what I can get, and do what's right for me I guess. We'll see.
Andrew, it sounds like you guys are on a positive track again. Yes, take things slowly and continue DBing. Good friends is a good thing. Just make sure there's some flirting and mystery to eventually bring it to the next level.
Tori, you always have a post waiting for me when I NEED one. (((( ))))
The rest of yesterday involved W and I doing Christmas shopping mainly for the kids, and a little for she and I. She helped pick out a few articles of clothing as did I for her. We had a good time. Light, flirtatious (from me), and friendly. Proving we can have a good time together. W even brought up the idea of US doing more shopping together for each other.
Near the end of the evening, she ran to the store, took forever, as she ultimately stopped at BFFs house. I could see the car. She did call to let me know in case I was worried. The thing that irritated me the most is that BFF refriended OM while W at there. W asked what was wrong so I did tell her. W said the BFF asked if it would bother me if she refriended OM, and W said, "Nah." WTF? A few other irriating things unrelated to our sich, occurred and I was simply in a bad mood. W made a comment that my anger was scaring her and that she may sleep in her bed upstairs. I reassured her that I never have and never would lay a hand on her in violence. That's ridiculous and she should know better. Or is this a PTSD thing from her first husband??? Anyways, she did sleep in our bed, and she choose to cuddle with me.
Tonight is her first IC appt. Do I try and extra patch things up?
Side note, a week or so ago, W shared that her SIL, one that initially was super supportive evidently does not think we can make things work now. Do I believe her? If that is the truth, any thoughts on that? W didn't elaborate other than SIL knows all the details.
I'm confused and cycling through numerous thoughts and emotions, mainly between giving the F up and moving on and obviously hanging in there. I know time is a gift. I just need a little ranting to hopefully get rid of the chip on my shoulder. Tonglen is not working at the moment.
If anyone has any words of wisdom please feel free to share, I sure could use them as this different type of limbo is much harder (clearly).
You make me smile-"Tonglen is not working at the moment"
Get ready-Get the eff out of her head!
What is your vision of who you want to be? That's what should be filling your head-how do you get from where you are right now to that goal.
Have you thought about d/cing FB? What positives do you get from it right now? It seems to me it creates way too much anxiety about things you have no control over. FB is the most superficial communication in the world.
Why do you care what SIL thinks? Another thing you can't control.
How did you express your anger and why were you angry? Those are things you can control.
Focus, focus, focus.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Once when my W was thinking of R, my IC told me that she wished I could have the confidence in myself to know my worth... and to show that confidence to W. I thought of that when I read your post.
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
I agree, who cares what SIL thinks and focus on yourself. YOU YOU YOU.
I can't imagine the difficulty you have right now but I can only imagine that the best you can do for YOU is to continue YOUR journey. Stay in control of your emotions. Control the thoughts in your head and leave others to have their own.Its none of their business and its none of yours.
you are a wonderful person afa. don't forget that.
(((( ))))
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
Labug - thank you. I'm not trying to be in her head, then again I'm not being in mine either I guess. I was ironically doing better when W and OM were an official item versus whatever they are now. Hope has caused me to backslide somewhat consistently lately.
Too long to type what I want to be via my phone, the vision of who I want to be.
I have thought about d/c'ing as her refriending has obviously added more anxiety and what not. I'll probably keep it, but not get on it as much. It is superficial I know.
I was angry over bff friending OM with W present. She knows my NC boundary. She even stated that she's friends with some of BFF's Ezra, and her H doesn't care. Guess W still views herbAL as nothing wrong (at least in that moment). Computer issues and child "sass" added to anger. I withdrew and kept to myself. I made a few angry comments. I asked W to leave me alone, to give me space. Then I worked out, and tried to make peace with W afterwards.
SIL and I are fairly close and she has been supportive of me along, at least until now, so her reported turn in opinion is what bothers me. It's not like her.
NG - thank you for stopping by and offering support. I need to regain ny confidence. I agree. That will also help me deflect / diffuse hiccups like these.
Busting - Thanks for your ongoing support. As stated I do need to refocus on ME. The hope thing is what sank me. The cuddling is nice, the not knowing about kisses here and there stinks, especially when is like more.
So in summary, focus on regaining my confidence. Focus on myself and who I want to be. Enjoy what I with W b/c at least it's better than what it was? Thoughts? And bring more 2 x 4s if necessary.
afa, i think you are in a really tough phase of this process.. that takes a great deal of strength. trust in the work that you have been doing and trust in yourself, afa... she is lucky to have an H that loves her so.. (((((((( )))))))))))
Me(f): 51 W: 41 DP:8 M:3 T:10 "W not happy" 7/11 D final: 8/13
Thank you NG. That means so much to me to hear you recognize my love for her. If only I loved myself 1/2 as much and she realized it to, we'd be in a different place.
I am trying. We all know the hell I've been through (we've all been through); and I need to better prepare myself for the worst case scenario.
She left for her IC appt for a moments ago. I left work early b/c S7 has a viral infection (he'll be fine). She brought it up. I shared that I am proud of her; and gave her a 40% off coupon to her fav store nearby the IC's office, "in case you need some retail therapy too".
I'll wait to see if she shares, and be ok if she does not.
Andrew, did she say anything about the IC appointment?
You're doing so well, so stay strong. I know how hard it is, and especially when she keeps a lot of her teenage behavior (i.e. FB thing.)
How do you express your anger? I once told my H I was scared of him and he said the same, that he himself was the least violent person on Earth. But I wasn't afraid he would hit me or anything. I was afraid of how he would make me feel with his attitude and his comments. So I started retreating and staying away from him. Just wanted to tell you what I went through so you can maybe empathize a little with your W. Not sure if she's feeling the same. The key is that she feels good about herself in your presence.
. 