Do I Have a Chance?

[complicated]

Tried texting and finally called H last night at 1am. D15 was not home and did not answer my texts or phone calls. H knew things I didn't, like D15 going to concerts and stuff, so he did pick up when I called and of course I woke him. Told him what was going on and he attempted to try and help.

Long story short, I found on twitter that she was 4.5 hours away at a concert with some older girls. One being the girl I had to pick up from the airport. So I ended up picking her up from some girls house and not saying a word to her. I need to keep my cool. I told her we would talk in the morning. I was hurt to see that H did not come over to see if everything is ok and he didn't call or text to check.

This morning I did a big slide and said that i was sorry I bothered him and that I got angry. I said I felt like it was pretty major involving the kids and he would want to know. i said I see now that it was a big mistake and I should not bother him. He text back saying it was OK and he was wrong and i was right and he was sorry. I had been trying for months or a year to try and reign D15 in. Everytime I set limits, he went against me. I told him being right or wrong didn't matter that it is about the kids being safe. I said that is all I ever cared about - not being right or wrong. He said that I have trouble admitting I'm wrong. I admitted this and said that I am continually working on myself and that is one of the things. I told him that I like the person that I have become.

I also told him that she is angry with him for going on the trip with the other woman but she would forgive him as soon as she wanted something from him. She runs to him when I won't give her what she wants.

He said he was not going to give in to her anymore. Yeah right. I will believe that when I see it. That is one of our issues. He won't support me when i lay down the law and he will go behind my back and give the kids something. I once took D15s phone away and he gave it back without my knowing.

I ended up talking to him on the phone. We argued. This is really where I fell off the wagon. I told him that I felt like he didn't want to deal with a family and it was a lot easier to give in to the kids than parent them. He said he could move back. I told him that is not the answer. I told him I didn't want him back unless he was willing to work on the marriage. We also talked about his trip with OW which he continues to say they are just friends. I told him what did he think everyone else thought? What did the kids think?

He said again he needed a break but that he really didn't get that. I said I guess that is my fault. (because he blames everything on me) He said no it's not your fault! Big surprise there! Once again he talked about living at his parents, blah, blah, blah and how I wouldn't move out. Once again I said "I'm not the one who wanted this, i don't know why you think I should be the one to move out".

Is anyone else getting this from their S? They don't like living out of the house but blame it on the LBS that they won't leave? What do I say?

So, I am thinking that he only wanted to move back because he is tired of living with parents. I did make it clear to him that I was doing fine, I would handle D15 (the others are away at college) and I was moving on with my life. I told him that it hurt that I didn't feel like he "cared" about D15. I said again that I realize my mistakes and i'm working on myself but that he needed to realize his part. He acknowledged he has played a part which is the first time he has acknowledged it.

He did say he would put up outside lights for the kids. Curious to see how he continues. I admit another big step back for me. I'm still having trouble not telling him what I think.

We go back to mc Thursday to "see where we are". I have already told her I thought we were in the same place we were a year ago or worse. Also asked her if she was Pro-marriage because I was having trouble seeing it. Told her we never set goals or seemed to get anywhere. We'll see.