trying to get her back

[sandi2]

If she is a WAW, she may not have the desire to work on the M right now. Although you feel that it is urgent to get her to go with you to therapy...you must not plead with her to do it.

In DB, the LBS learns that the work is put on him. She may not be at the point of working, so it's all on you. That means you have to find the strength and courage to not depend upon her for anything. It means that you may have to stop thinking of you being a couple....and start looking at yourself as an individual who needs to make a lot of changes. Hopefully, making those changes will encourage your W to think seriously about going home.

But here's the thing, Edward, you can't give her promises of how you will be better. That doesn't work. She probably doesn't want to hear it! If anything will work, it will be for her to see your changes with her own eyes. After she sees the changes, then the next step will be for her to see that the changes are real....and not a gimmick to get her back. Next, she will need to see that those changes actually stuck. So, that takes quite some time for her to be convinced you’ve really changed. Then the next step will be her deciding if she can trust you to keep those good changes “if” she moves back home. She will be leery that you might return to the way you were when she left.

Do you see why this takes time? Can you agree that it can’t be done in a few days? Do you agree that the work is for you? Because if you can’t agree about that part….it is doubtful you will succeed.

This doesn’t mean the woman didn’t have a part in the breakdown of the MR, but you can’t expect her to willingly step up and start making amends. She left you b/c she is very unhappy, and she won’t return if it’s based on her changing. Hopefully, after she comes home, your changes will cause her to work at improving herself, too. But you can’t expect her……or TELL her that she has to do such & such b/c you are doing this & that. It just doesn’t work in your favor when you tell a WAW what she needs to do for the M.

The “talk” she wants to have with you……may not be positive. You may get another bomb. I hope not, but if you go in pushing her about the relationship…..I can promise, she is going to throw another bomb on you! So what do you do? You listen to what she says. You let her talk! SHE called the meeting, not you. That means she has something to tell you……….it doesn’t mean she called it to hear what YOU have to say. Understand?

A woman needs to respect her H before she can feel in love with him, but she won’t if you don’t act like a man who deserves respect. You can’t afford to let your emotions get out of control with her. Stay calm, listen to what she says, and speak softly…but with confidence. CONFIDENCE is one of the most attractive things about a man, in the eyes of women. Confidence is very sexy! I’m not talking about a “show-off” b/c that’s not attractive to women, but true confidence can’t be beat.

Why am I talking about confidence right now? Because you can’t be clingy, needy, pleading, etc.… and be confident. If she sees any acts of desperation, she will be turned off! I realize you don’t “feel” it right now, but you can start by not doing those things I mentioned. Start by believing you are going to be okay….with or without her. She needs to see that you have had an awakening and that you intend to be happy.

You have a lot of work cut out for you. It’s not easy, but if you believe your M is worth the work…..and if YOU are worth improving the man you are now, then go for it! What do you have to lose?