snodderly~ Ugh, perhaps I am stupid, falling for a classic MLC catch phrase! As for guilt, well he should feel loads of it, I should feel bad for saying that, but I don't.
The co-workers, etc, they are just stupid. I don't know about the whole condom, foursome thing, for 2 reasons. 1. His one text comment was something like so the men in one bed and the women in another? (I don't remember reading an actual response to that, but I had to read stuff fast cause he was in the shower). 2. The small paper bag I saw looked like one of those one would get at Hallmark, I couldn't tell what was in it though, I couldn't get a close enough look. There was something large in it (which if Hallmark could have been an ornament I suppose, there's no way he'd need that many condoms! LOL). Oh and not to mention he has bought condoms before, put them on the bookshelf, I think he wanted me to see them. He ended up using them with me (cause he's so scared the girl with PCOS will mystically be able to get pregnant now, and I wonder do they not think other women can get pregnant? I mean the man who now decided he doesn't want kids might want to think about that....just sayin'). Only twice was there one condom MIA, but I think teenage him gave it to either this male co-worker or brother as part of a b-day gift. Trust me, it's the type of thing these people would do. Also, I think with the whole foursome thing, an "equipment malfunction" could be possible. I mean if they have happened with me (probably guilt) then would a man want to run that risk of that happening in front on people he's trying to impress? IDK. Just thoughts. Funny story about your ex! Wow people can be crazy!
Trust me, I want to mess with him.... I just want to make sure I'm not doing something out of anger or spite, that will always bite ya in the butt!! LOL I wonder what he would think if I did move his toothbrush out of the holder. I had already actually folded and put his laundry away the other week, I thought he would freak out about that, but he didn't. I'm just really trying to stick with killing him with kindness. IDK.
RH~ That's funny, because sometimes dealing with him I want to laugh and throw up at the same time!!! Being taken for granted all this time sure does get old and take it's toll. Some day he will realize how good he really has it (or by then could be had it, who knows) and it's just a shame that he's doing all of this destruction. I am just bound and determined to make Christmas special again and not be ruined like last year, and I'm going to do it if it kills me! Damn MLC!
mrsrjd~ LOL I don't know if I've ever officially been someone's role model before, but I'm flattered. Thank you!
As for as OW, first of all, I can't confirm that there is an actual one outside of the fantasy world in his head. I used to get all beside myself too with stuff I read, etc. Here's the thing, 1. It svcks but I can't control it (letting go of control we think we had to begin with is hard). 2.If there is an OW it's not about me, it's about something going on in H (that doesn't make it easier, but it keeps me from smothering him to death in his sleep) 3. It has been said on here OP's are band-aids.... in my experience with band-aids they always fall off. 4.Any relationship that starts with at least one person cheating isn't going to last anyway, sure it may take quite awhile, but it won't trust me I know, happened with my mother (she's cheated)(well happened with other people I know too, but she's the one that it affected me the most) and thank the Lord above she didn't stay with that crazy @sshole she cheated with! (she's remarried to someone else, but he's ok).
Trust me it breaks my heart to even think he could be saying inappropriate things to other women, much less anything else, the H I married wouldn't have done that, but he's not the man I married right now. Sitting here thinking about the unfairness of it all won't fix anything, it will just make me sad again, feeling all of the hurt, betrayal, dishonesty, broken trust, loneliness, etc, and I have days where I can't get past them, and it's hard and you want to scream and beat your fists against their chest and say wake up, life is good, the grass isn't greener you have a great life, be thankful for all that you have, don't treat people the way you are treating me because you never know how long they may be in your life... but we can't do or say these things. I've been trying to let these feelings go because they are going to kill me. Clearly God has some purpose for my life as crappy as I may feel it is at the moment, I just need to keep sitting back, be patient, and listen for what it is, because there has to be something more that this, there has to be something good at the end of all of this pain.
When I would tell my counselor about things I have read (one specific e-mail mentioned a married female co-worker by name, I did post about it) my counselor told me I am over reacting. I get partial info and then freak out. I don't know what's really going on. It's probably all in his head. He's putting on a show for his family. Gotta be the alpha male, beat on chest like gorilla, etc. So I'm looking at these texts as everything else, gotta say and do what I think these people want to hear... now as for the why, I would LOVE to know. Because really they don't matter. Perhaps one should focus on what really does matter like you know your spouse and marriage, but that's his choice, it's also his choice to decide not to care how his choices affect other people. So it's all mourning, praying, healing,being patient, and waiting to hear what God tells me to do next.... right now I feel like he is telling me to stay in this mess, I don't know why, but who am I to question God?
My counselor is well versed in dealing with people who have depression, so that aspect helps a lot. When I tell him about things with H and interactions and such, he says H is quite depressed from the sounds of it. He of course hopes H will someday come in to see him too. He had been considering it, which I consider progress for him.
I will continue to do what he(my counselor) instructs me, which is GAL, validate, positive affirmations, focus on me, keep creating a homey atmosphere, and continue the acting as if. Even though my counselor doesn't really know much about MLC he sure does have a lot of DB ways/advice.
