So I attempted two little communications with my H that seemed to (mildly) backfire. Last night we had a good time, watched movies and hung out together. I was really tired, so after the first movie we were on our computers and he put his headphones on to listen to music or a podcast or something - after a few min I went to lay down for a minute (or go to sleep, whichever came first!). As soon as I hit the pillow I heard him take off his headphones and say "you going to sleep now?" I said I wasn't sure, but asked if he wanted to watch another movie. He said yes and we did, and then I went to bed for real. He hasn't slept in the bed with me in at least a month now, but things have been sloooowly getting better, and he's been more receptive to me, I won't say leaning toward intimacy, but closer in that we're spending lots more time together and getting along well. No talk of R or M still, etc, but it's an improvement. Anyway, I always get the sense that he doesn't 100% want to sleep on the couch, but might feel ambivalent about sleeping in the bed with me because that means things might be back to normal, which they're not.
Up until now I've left the bed topic alone, but just felt like I should do a temperature read. I didn't feel like I'd crumble if he didn't respond the way I wanted, so I asked if he was going to sleep on the couch tonight? He hesitated and then said "yeah?" (almost like it was a question) - so I said "you'd rather sleep in there?" and he said "yeah?" again and I said "ok" and went to sleep. Wisest choice for me? Maybe not, but I did this over asking about the M. I felt it was a small small step and after his response, I shut my mouth and left it at that. (I asked on the off chance he might just be feeling shy and needing prompting...apparently not!)
I think he's depressed. I assume it's a MLC but not entirely sure...so I may need to do some more reading on that here. Earlier (mild backfire #2) I asked him how he was doing, that it seemed like he was going through some stuff. He replied something like "people go through stuff all the time", which I answered something like "you seem to be going through it now. Just that you've been kind of serious lately, which isn't like you." He didn't respond, he just got up after a bit and cleared the dishes so I took that as a sign that he didn't want to talk about it. Normally I'd push the issue but I'm trying to do some 180s...so I dropped it and focused on something else. That seemed to be fine, and he was keeping it light and joking around with me after that. I'm not bringing that up again unless I master the art of it, if there is such a thing.
I don't know, it's like I've said and read here before, it's just the not knowing that bothers me. I feel deep down like he's still there, but his feelings are buried somewhere in the depression or whatever the mood is. It's like tiny tiny little things come out here and there, he'll call me a pet name or something but then a day or two will go by and nothing. Half of me feels like the MLC isn't all about me, but the other half of me feel that his dissatisfaction is, and that hasn't been fixed yet. I'm just trying to be the kind of wife and friend he wouldn't want to leave.
