Few of the sins of the father Are visited upon the son Hearts have been hard Hands have been clenched into fists too long
Our sons need never be soldiers Our daughters will never need guns These are the years between These are the years that were hard fought and won Contracts torn at the edges Old signatures stained with tears Seasons of war and grace These should not be forgotten years
Still it aches like tetanus It reeks of politics How many dreams remain? This is a feeling too strong to contain The hardest years, the darkest years The roarin' years, the fallen years These should not be forgotten years The hardest years the wildest years The desperate and divided years Our shoreline was never invaded Our country was never in flames This is the calm we breathe This is a feeling too strong to contain
Still it aches like tetanus It reeks of politics Signatures stained with tears Who can remember, we've got to remember
The hardest years, the darkest years...
Forsaking aching breaking years The time 'n' tested heartbreak years These should not be forgotten years
The blinded years, the binded years The desperate and divided years These should not be forgotten years Remember
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Just when you think you have heard it all,.... So it's H's weekend w Ith the children and I got a phone call from him. Apparently he told D9 that her legs are hairy and she needs to start shaving them!!! Really? She told him, She does not know how, so he was calling me to ask me to teach her. Okay I must say I was not surprised but a little dissapointed that he spoke with D9 about it. He seemed shocked when I said she has always had hair on her legs. I asked him to talk to me or his Mum or somebody first before saying anything to her next time. She is nine years old! I know what D9 is like, chances are she will be self conscious about it now. *Sigh*
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt that he was doing it out of humor or at least just ignorance. It's a stretch for me though.
That being said, when do girls start shaving their legs nowadays? I don't think I did until 7th or 8th grade, but everything is happening younger now. I remember my mom making a big ugly deal about it though. I was pretty hairy, too. Are you opposed to letting her start? You can't undo what H did but it doesn't have to be a big problem for your D9.
It was ignorance I think. I'm not sure exactly but I'm site most don't start until at least year seven around here. D is in year 3.
It may not be a big deal to her but she has been know to be self concious if something is said to her. I'm pretty sure she will be fine once I tell her that all of her friends have hair too and they don't shave yet.
She is by no means hairy. The hairs are barley noticeable and yes I'm opposed to her starting now! She is 9 and once she stars, it is something she will need to keep doing regularly. I think very few girls around here start in maybe sixth grade but not year 3.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
Nope-he's an ass...lol. Some girls develop a lot faster, I know kids who are having their periods at nine (yikes!)
Anyway, I told D she couldn't shave, she had to wax. Trust me on this one-buy the strips by Nair and when D is 20 or so, the hair on legs will be negligible!!
Anyways, don't bring it up, and if she does just say you can't even notice...if she brings it up again, tell her about waxing. First time ouchy, after that simple!
As to money and husband, you know, sometimes you have to do what you think is best. There is a lot of good advice on this board, but just like you can't make husband change his mind, no one can make you take the advice. We all make our own decisions in the end and that's why they pay us the big bucks as adults." We fall, we mostly rise and every now and then we try, to mend the damage that we've done"
Thanks Ruby. D9 hasent mentioned it and neither have I. I called H yesterday to ask him to drop my kids off at a family members house as we were having a BBQ there for dinner. A family member told me to invite him to eat, so I did. I thought H would say no but he said yes.
He came and looked very tired. He kept coming up and talking to me, when he was leaving, he gave me a kiss on the check while no one was out the back. We heard a door and he jumped.
Well when we got home D9 was telling me that they spent the weekend with H one of H's old friends and her son. D seemed a little upset about it but said that she had fun. I called H to discuss my concern. I found out it was some random girl he met on a dating site. I told him I felt it was far too soon to be introducing the kids to OW. He got a little angry and said he is allowed friends. He Denys anything is going on. Umm hello, dating site??? He said he is trying to get the kids some friends up there. They spent the weekend at the beach, parks and her house. I don't want me kids meeting all these new people, then wondering why they suddenly disappear. I told him I don't want him sending the message to my kids, that its okay to treat someone like this. That they can just walk away from a marrage and move in right away.
I think he is looking for people to spend the holidays with, with OUR children. The convo ended with H being agitated and telling me he will talk to the kids, even though I asked he wait for them to bring it up to him.
What a mess. I talked to my kids while they were away and they both told me what they had been doing. Neither of my kids felt appropriate to tell me until we were alone. S8 actually told me he couldn't remember what they done today. I don't think he wanted me to know. He was strangely quiet.
H says they had a ball and didn't even want to come home because they wanted to stay and play with their friend.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
So we ( The children and I) put half of our inside decorations up today. We decorated our tree. It's a real one that a family member got for us. I pulled in the drive way after work and it was standing near the front door. I brought it inside with a little bit if difficulty but I managed.
I found the kids to be a little.,, well snotty lol Mainly S8. He complained that I did part of the roof the same every year. He complained that he wanted a fake tree and not a real one. ( some years we have real, others we have fake.) he complained that he hated the smell.
D9 complained a little and they both fought. Mainly because S was not letting D do much.
He told me he didn't hardly decorate the tree at their fathers.
I guess even though his not verbalizing it, he is struggling with it all. It's a strange feeling tonight. Lights on the tree flashing away, the smell of Christmas. I guess I was really fearing this month for a while. Now it's here and it's not so bad. It's strange and different. Kind of eerie but also kind of numb.
We can and will get through this.
H told the kids that he will be getting a motel room down here, so they can go there to open their pressents from Santa. Hmmm, guess his not coming here to do them then. Also I realized today that no one from H's family has asked for money for Christmas lunch. (Everone always chips in.) so I guess I am no longer invited there. Ready or not, here it comes....
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
It will be awkward and sad, bet on it but also be prepared. Think of some things you can do to shake that feeling for both you and the kids when it arises.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Thanks bug. My main concern is the kids have six weeks of school holidays starting in a couple of weeks. H wants a week on a week off. first he wanted three weeks straight but I said no, so it's a week on a week off. It's good for them but not for me. Guess I need to find my big girl pants, huh.
I wrote this on another thread about what you did to contribute to the marrage break down, I thought I'd copy it over here, too.
I'm actually surprised how big my list turned out to be. This is the first time I have let go of the reasons why I did what I did and not tried to justify them to myself.
My inability to control my emotions. My tone of voice and defensiveness. Loosing hope of trying to fix key issues through communication and ultimately trying to control H instead. How stupid could I have been? Carrying on over someone not spending time with you, will only make them want to spend even less time with you. Going down cheese less tunnels. Too many expectations. Not communicating properly. Eg attacking statements, saying H made me feel a certain way. Not showing enough gratitude to H, Even if I didn't feel I was getting it either. Relying on H for my own happiness. Negative comments. Not seeing the signs or choosing to talk myself out of them being signs. Putting my own needs, wants and desires last. Letting H control me.
Well, that's a pretty big list. I guess I was way more responsible than I thought, even if I did think that I was doing it for the right reasons at the time.
M: 29, H: 31 D: 9 S: 8 T: 13 Y M: 9 Y ILYBIDKIILWY 12/09/2012 ~~~~ Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. ~~~ it Emptys today of its strengths
