She was complaining to me that her friend still thought D was a bad idea and was telling W her opinions. She was also telling her how bad it will be on kids, especially D7 and said she's guessing D7 was already suspicious. W said D7 didn't know anything and is fine and we were telling her early next year. She just kept talking about how wrong her friend was.
First, this is exactly what I was talking about above, your W outwardly seems to be interested in working on the M but inwardly she's still done with it. I know it's confusing and upsetting, but stick with your DB'ing and remember it takes a lot of time for this to resolve and you can't do anything to hurry it up.
Second, I agree with FY and BD that this is actually a good thing. The fact that she's willing to open up to you about this is great. It's tough on you to be sure, but at least she feels comfortable talking to you. So by all means vent here, then go back to DB'ing her and acting "as if" everything is fine. Sounds like you're doing this already, so good job!
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Has my W forgotten I'm the one she's wanting to D???
If she thinks you're both on the same page then that's a GOOD thing. I doubt she thinks you want S or D, but she at least thinks you support her enough on it that you're not going to stand in her way. This is good, it takes the pressure off her which is exactly what needs to happen.
Originally Posted By: Breakdown
Whoa...this is exactly where I'm at. Daily, things are great, we hang out, ML, do things as a family. Everything is great....except that court date in Jan. And every time R comes up, it's generally her saying she still wants D.
Sounds eerily similar! My W didn't push for D, but she did push for S and I didn't get in her way. I don't know if you've read the last week of posts in my thread, but I actually pushed for D for this January and W freaked, so I took it back off the table. Anyway, since S we haven't ML at all or even kissed and we barely hug. Things changed a lot for us after the S.
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I think the problem is she made a decision and is sticking with it. She refuses to forgive, refuses to take a chance, to become vunerable, so it keeps her from committing to the M.
My wife even admitted this was the case. She said that it took her so long to come to the decision to leave the M that she just felt like she couldn't go back on that decision. Basically she was so emotionally invested in the decision, it became the only option.
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As I'm reading here, it seems like me, you and AS are all on the same ride...it's just that AS is first, I'm in the middle, and you're at the beginning!
LOL! Yup, good catch. Our W's all have a very similar "low energy" approach to all of this. If my W is any indication, we're all in for a very long ride.
