hey hi- i like your latest posts quite alot. first of all - i wonder if i WANT to find purpose in this dbing - it's hard and sad and LONGGGGG - SOYOUR statistics were good to read. i wonder if i can outlive the problems??? ow-
AND MAN - OH - MAN- IS MY unspeaking h ever reliving his college as well. he doesn't know it- acknowledge it- or even ever ever ever SAY IT-
BUT AS i read your post- i see him with his college buddies- his ow from ancient law office days when he was "on the way up" -
and so on- the tennis - having to be a "star" and have adoring watchers- etc.
it's sad - i'm trying not to judge since i was n3ve the "star" type- just the background type in a big family and taking care of smaller kids. i don't admire his "m.o." - it's kind of gross to be an adult and need to ahve other people admiring you to exist or feel good (i'm guessing) what the heck it is-
it sure sounmds like wnat you described - which makes me feel both good and bad.
today i'd like to really say" If you want to spend your stinking holidays with the person WHO RELALY matters to you- go the hell to her and stay there".
i'm not saying it- but i'm thinking i5t and biting my tongue. he's here for aweek and then to fl and coming back on the 23rd - coul dhe wait a bit longer? why doesn't he just come christmas eve.???
i wonder- i feel insulted- i wonder why he even bothers? i wonder if he's just dying to celebrate with his one true love = her.
i'm not sitting here bleeding- but i'm pissy and insulted- oh well huh? k33ping the wraps on it- youer POSTS REALLY HELP me a ton- do not stop and don't think it doesn't matt34 or you're not hea4rt.
i'm outta here cause he's roaming around somewhere- geeez i hope it's an okay holiday- i don't even know why i'm thinking like this- i should be going to church again and then i'd be celebrting the holiday for the right reason- rather than just sentiment.
it's so creepy to be thinking how slavish he is with his "new life & friends" who are allll old life and friends - and he's like a small child- cannot be friends with more than one person at a time. he doesn't see he usually cannot have fun with me- or be natural or himself because he does that with someone else. what the????
and wtf??? oh well- i am amazed at what's going on in your land up there - you poor kid. talk about replaying life? is your h really aware and saying it rite out loud(which is interesting to me in light of noooo communication at all about"it" ever ever ever) so like- does he think i don't see- feel - think or know it's all there just becau3e he's not saying it out loud- apparently???j!!!\
God - life gets stranger and stranger. i guess i take a little heart from your sttistics
gotta blow - hang n there- you were masterful!!!
((( ))) xxoo we're out here - keep it coming- and thanks. it does matter an awful lot. keep your xmas cheer factor going- i'm trying. fa la la la la .... gasp....
