Separation at 17.5 months

[Accuray]

I don't think you're going to get any argument there -- it is his fault.

Here's the thing -- being happy in marriage is a responsibility that results in joy. We are responsible to meet our spouse's needs but equally as importantly we are responsible for figuring ourselves out enough to teach our spouses how to meet our needs -- without expectations of mindreading. Your husband chose to give up on both of those, and that is his fault.

I think there is a subtle distinction about "work on you" and "you contributed to the issues in your marriage" that is important to understand -- acknowledging your shortcomings does NOT mean you are at fault for the demise of your marriage. Every marriage is flawed, conflict will always arise, incompatibility is inevitable. Marriage implies adversity. Either you sign up to see the journey through to the end "for better or for worse" or you don't.

Does this mean you should never divorce? No.

If you meet your spouse's needs and tell them specifically how to meet yours and they simply refuse, then you have a perfect reason to walk.

So yes, Advina, this is all his fault -- both because he gave up on the journey and because he decided not to work with you to get your needs met. You had some issues that you are now aware of, but you have gone over and above, you have made excuses for him and turned the other cheek when maybe you should have dug in. You were married for both of you and now its time to cut the cord because the person he has become is not worth it and is not deserving.

Acc