When telling people, they showed compassion for you both because they care about you both.
That's obvious, and it's how I would have responded to a friend I didn't know well. To my sister, and to my college roommate, when they told me, I just listened until I had a better sense of how they felt about everything, because I was really there for them, and not their husbands. I didn't agree 100% that my sister/friend was in the right, but I was still 100% on their side going forward anyway. For acquaintances and friends I know less well, or business associates, I've been less talkative. I've just started with I'm sorry, and let them say whatever response they had developed to use for that. "Don't be, it's ok," or "we just grew apart," or whatever.
But the bottom line is when I read that line that you wrote, I thought I really will be sick to my stomach hearing compassion expressed for my husband over this.
It has come up a few times in my reams of threads, that he is deserving of compassion and understanding, has been going through a hard and painful time too, the best he knows how, etc etc. I keep trying to feel that and I keep falling back into feeling like this - meaning the start to finish totality of it - is HIS FAULT. and WRONG. I can make myself feel better by knowing I'll be better off and go on and have a good life, but THAT was the life I wanted to make good.
I would like everyone to tell me he's a fool.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
