Have you changed a diaper of your son's yet? I ask this b/c you said you've never cared for him on your own at all. I need to know what your wife has seen you do for your son. The more she sees you do on your own, the better.
Well, no. But the other day, about a month ago, at the library, I offered to help, so I held his legs up, while she was cleaning his bum. Ok, it wasn't much, but it's the goodwill that counts, right?
Sorry Bruce, but the goodwill only goes so far. Your wife did the dirty work while you watched. Next time, ask her to teach you how to do it yourself b/c you want to be his care provider. That will be much more likely if you show you can manage the basics. Diapers are basic.
The only other man I know who hasn't changed a diaper, is also here w/a walk away wife. HE says that it's an experience that actually bonds a parent to a child. But you two are literally the only men I've known of, to be so uninvolved in the daily care. I hope you now see the value of helping more.
I mean, He's nearly 2 y/o? So that's over a thousand diapers SHE has changed to your...one event of leg holding & "goodwill"....
that builds a lot of resentment. Anyway, I'd also work on putting him down for naps & reading to him one on one if I were you.
Another example of what I think she wanted...When she was nursing, and therefore NEVER sleeping thru the night, what stopped you from helping her out?
For instance, Even when I had the summer off with our newborn, and my h had to go to work the next day, HE would get up when the baby needed feeding and he'd change his diaper, and THEN bring the baby to me so we SHARED the work...AND the bonding...
And, btw, I never told her about my pain to her.
why would you tell her about YOUR pain?
When you felt SHE was "in a bad humor" or "sulking", what did you say to her to determine why she felt that way? How did you try to help her feel better?
OR did you withdraw more?
That's not to say you should not tell her how much she and your son mean to you--by all means yes. But leave your needs & pain out of it for now. She's not interested in that and my guess is that she feels you've made your pain & needs THE PRIORITY for long enough.
And my letters did not negate her reasons to be mad. In fact, they validated it by saying : I understand your not wanting to see me right now, I know I have "screwed up", I apologize, and even I respect your decision.
Your letters/words were supposed to show that you CAN CHANGE and if you'd rather defend yourself instead, then good luck showing change.
Now, you're right, saying it doesn't make things right. I have to act on it too, and consistently (it's been 5 months already).
Not so...I think you've only begun to DB...
By "dissolved", I meant spirited away. I have stopped the bad things, no more reasons to accuse me of anything. I am not giving more ammo than necessary. Her resentment and grudge are enough as it is.
Bien le bonsoir, B.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
