Dawn, Thank you for posting these insights into your H's state.
I found them incredibly helpful.
Like most on here I struggle to understand just what our spouses are going through.
To hear that your H feels that coming home makes him feel like he's in a tomb, really struck a chord with me.
I'm sure this is what it feels like for my H as well, from what he says.
I can acknowledge, intellectually that it's no good to pursue him till the cows come home, but unless you can start to understand how bad it feels to them (i.e. a matter of life and death/survival), it's too easy to fall back into the habit.
The fact that your H went on to say he can be like this until he dies, that he has no humanity in him, and just works to keep himself busy so he doesn't have to think, also made me sit up and re-evaluate how I've been thinking about my sitch.
Your posting has done me more good than I can say.
I'm also struck by what your H said about being at the first yr college stage.
I can see this so clearly in my H's behaviour - he even joined the college football team (believe it or not) and has gone back to all his old college friends (who are now divorced themselves, including his old college GF who is now OW).
I didn't realise they literally re-visited previous stages in their lives, but this explains so much.
Please keep posting your insights regularly if you can. You sound very strong and purposeful to me and seem to be doing a lot that is working. Your H is having insights and talking to you about how he feels - this has to be a step in the right direction.
