Time for an Introduction...and Thanks

[figure-it-out]

LOL, Hi Brian!!
Thanks for looking out for me. I have had a SUPER busy week here at work (which is where I usually check in) I was off last Friday and this MOnday so I have been playing catch up.

How are you doing?? Any big plans for Thanksgiving?

I'm pretty good. Spent last weekend just relaxing and catching up on some housework. My D and I went to see the new James Bond movie last Sunday. It was really good.
I took the kids to the national cemetery on Monday. H's dad served in the Navy and is interred there.
Overall a pretty good week. I've been to the gym every day this week so I'm happy about that.
D has her first cheer competition of the season tomorrow and S has a baseball game.
Sunday we're doing Thanksgiving in our cul-de-sac. Should be fun. Each of the neighbors is making something to share.

Nothing really new to report with H. I havent seen him or spoken to him in person for over a month. It feels really strange. Not surprisingly he put more $$ in our account with today's check. Along with that came a text saying he was sorry that he wasn't thinking when he initially changed the amount. He thought about what I told him and it made sense to him so he changed the amount of direct deposit back. That he wasn't trying to be mean.
I honestly didn't think he was. I figured he was doing what we had agreed upon and taking over his car payment and credit card payment.
S was telling me about the weekend he had with H when he got dropped off on M. Hurts to hear they went to dinner at the mall because H had to buy "roomate" (S's words) a sweatshirt for her birthday. Is it bad I want to "lose" the sweatshirt "roomate" gave S after she received her birthday gift from H? Evidently she has plenty of black ones so she wanted S to have one.
Hope you have a good weekend! I'll try and check in more next week.

[Brian in Hville]

My only plans are to head to my parents house for a bit, then hit the local hockey team that night. My ex MIL called me and made me a HUGE pan of her Turkey dressing! I love her! What do you have planned?

I liked the new Bond movie. It was long though! Saw Flight this past weekend...it was ok.

Hey, you are doing good. Just keep working on you and spendingtime with your kids. I trully hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Brian

[figure-it-out]

Hi Brian,
How was the hockey game?? What an AWESOME ex MIL! A whole pan!!

The kids and I went to breakfast with my parents on Thanksgiving morning. D had to work that afternoon. After she got off work we went to MIL's house. H wasn't there. He had told me he wouldn't be. S was upset and cried when he found out.

I have to admit I was a bit taken aback and am not sure how to react/respond to the following. Maybe you (or someone else) can advise.

There was NO mention of H at all on Thanksgiving. I assumed his mom must have spoken to him and found out he wasn't coming. The next day when we were out driving around S casually mentioned that my 9 year old nephew had told him about how he and my BIL had gone over to dad's "place" to help move a TV.
That made me really upset. I didn't let on to S. I am angry that no one from H's family has even let on to me they know of H's living situation. Clearly his mom knew he wasn't living with her anymore but to have them actually know where his place is, etc. and not say anything to me is really affecting me. His sister has always said she feels closer to me than H because of his personality, etc. and knows I would be there at the drop of a hat for any one of them.
I guess this situation just brings to light how inaccurate her previous statements really were but it's really hurting me.
Granted, I don't know the whole situation. Maybe GF wasn't there when BIL went over, maybe H told him he was living with a "friend", who knows but to not say ANYTHING to me...
Maybe I'm making too much of this and clearly it's something I need to discuss with my therapist tonight. I'm just thrown a little bit.

Enough rambling for now. I'll journal tomorrow what my therapist has to say.

[figure-it-out]

Journaling.
Appointment with IC was good. I brought up the situation with my in-laws knowing about H's living situation and not saying anything to me about it. Not asking me how the kids are handling it, etc. Nothing to let me know that they know.

She thinks the root of it may be me realizing that I can't truly trust them and that's where the hurt comes from. That although I feel they are my "family" they are not behaving in a way a "family" should. I think that's true.

I'm annoyed that both MIL and SIL have no problem calling me to watch my nephew or my nephew's son, basically behaving as nothing has changed.

I've considered saying something but I don't know what I expect to get out of the conversation. MIL will more than likely say she didn't know "for sure" what was going on and as usual ignore what's right in front of her.
SIL will probably say she didn't want to "hurt" me by bringing it up and thought if I wanted to talk about it I would have.
Better to deal with it on my own I guess.

Switching gears, SHOCKER! H just sent a text and can't take S to practice again tonight. Practice isn't until 6pm, it's 2:30 now but he knows he will be stuck at work. Whatever...
I don't know why I even give him calendars of the kid's schedule or let him know when things change. He says he's going to be there but rarely is. Story of much of our lives right?

[Brian in Hville]

the hockey game was great! Had more fun this weekend at the Alabama/Aurburn game in Tuscaloosa! Roll Tide! even met someone there that lives right down the road from my house! We have our first date tomorrow!!!

It makes me wonder if none of them approve of what he is doing and that is why they didn't mention him. I have no idea. I am just so sorry that you have to go through this. What did your therapist say?

[figure-it-out]

Hey Brian,
See entry above for what the therapist had to say.
On top of it, SIL is having some major issues with my oldest nephew right now. She called me last night very upset and wanting to talk. I don't mind listening as I love her and my nephew but it just drives home how I'm there for them and I'm not sure they would be for me.
She evidently is pretty much not wanting to have anything to do with her mom (MIL) now as MIL is now enabling nephew to get away with some pretty bad behavior.
I wanted to shout HOW DO YOU THINK I FELT WHEN SHE DID THIS WITH H but didn't.
She forwarded me a text exchange between her and nephew. I was surprised when nephew brought up H and accused my SIL of being just as "fake" as H was. Not sure what he meant by that. Nephew works with H and I thought they were pretty tight. Guess not.

Good luck on the date!!! Let me know how it goes. How funny you met someone who lives so close at the game!

[Brian in Hville]

As far as in laws go...I'm sure it's just as hard on them as it is on us when people go their separate ways. As much as we don't know how to react, going through the entire situation, how much harder is it for them not knowing everything? I was lucky the my in laws let me know that I will always be family (though they did see wht their daughter did in the end and didn't agree with it). If you are pretty tight with SIL, why not sit down and just discuss everything with her? What's the worst that can happen?

My date...was AMAZING! We have really hit it off. We text a lot and she has shown that she is really interested in me and wants to do everything with me. The only thing I worried about (and her and I talked about it) is that she is a bit young (24 and I am 40). I guess we will see how it goes... Wonder what my step daughter will think about it when she gets back...

You keep working on you and your kids. You are still doing so good. Regardless what happens in all of this, I know you are going to be ok and will make the best of it!

[figure-it-out]

You're right, I know it's hard on them too. I guess in the beginning I didn't want to share too much with them as 1. H is their child and I did not want to speak ill of him. 2. If H had come to his senses and come back I did not want to put too much of it out there. 3 as time went on and I discovered they knew more than I thought they did I started feeling more hurt and "betrayed" that they did not care about me enough to speak to me about what was going on. I know that's me projecting on them. I know if they had the choice they would rather H and I be together.
GO BRIAN!!! That is great news about your date!Does she have concerns about the age difference? I agree, just have fun and see where it takes you. How old is your step daughter?
Hope you have a great weekend!!

[Brian in Hville]

Checking in on you...How are you?

[figure-it-out]

Hey Brian,
Thanks for always looking out for me. I appreciate it! I'm doing well. Turning out to be pretty busy this week at work. I've still been hitting they gym every day so I'm feeling good about that.
H finally showed up to take S to practice last night. S was thrilled! H even ended up staying for dinner afterward. I think it was the first time he had seen D in weeks. Makes me sad that they're so disconnected. I know it hurts her.
Found out for sure over the weekend that H is living with the person I had suspected all along. This was the woman I caught H texting a couple weeks before he left. The night I found out H was asleep and I looked at his phone. I sent her messages back saying H was asleep on the couch but as his wife I'd be happy to answer any questions she may have. I also asked her if she'd like to be there when he informed our two children what was going on. They worked together so I told her I was going to tell their GM. I didn't...
I almost wish it were someone new. I can't imagine getting to a place where I will be able to even acknowledge her knowing she played a part in what happened.
Anyway, busy weeks ahead. My birthday is on Monday then D and I leave for Las Vegas for a cheer competition. Can't wait.
How are you???