It's amazing how often I agree with Snodderly or can totally relate. I have similar stories with my ex. I'm a slower learner than some and it wasn't until long afterwards that I could really see just how messed up she is/was. I can tell you that years later, I see little change from that see-saw, roiling mass of anger and emotion. The facade is back to some degree, but I know too much at this point I come back to these threads hoping to point that kind of stuff out to people going through what I (and others) had. Because if I knew then, what I know now, I would have done some things differently. Changes for her would be one of them. I would have done far less of them if I had truly "gotten it" then like I do now.
I would (and did similar) go to the party. I also wouldn't talk to the OW. She is not the problem. She is a symptom only. Besides, if you are gracious and smile a lot, it makes 'em nervous and makes you the heroine
I'll look forward to the new thread!
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Thanks for your encouragement and support. Just what I need. I told my husband I would go and I told him to thank me for being so gracious . Thank God this site exists!
I want to echo what snodderly and AJ said about the changes. I'm not D yet but expect to be a month from tomorrow.
I did all the changes H requested. Some I wanted for myself and am happy with.
This summer my H told me he liked me just the way I was (with changes). There isn't a thing he'd want different about me.
He's pursuing D anyway. It really is all about them not us. Not that there isn't some updating we all can do
It's so nice to tell your H he is gracious. I think you are the one that is gracious
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
