Good Job! I am learning that too. Sometimes it is really hard to bite your tongue I am realizing. haha Gets me in trouble sometimes.
I am not too good at this yet but maybe someone else can chime in. I understand your son being upset you didn't answer the phone but your H getting so mad? Isn't he the one who is still in contact with OW?
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
I really have not figured that out either. I don't know why he was so mad, unless he thought I was with someone. Yes, he is still in contact with OW and if I had been the one to call him and text him about his whereabouts whoa, WWIII! I have learned not to ask him about where he is at, but he always asks me. THe only reason my S was upset was because my H told him he didn't know where the F*#% I was!
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Wow it is amazing how less then 24 hours can change ones life. Yesterday I thought things were really looking up for me and H. He was being so nice, texting me, being flirty, asking about my day, just like old times! I have this bad problem with snooping. I checked his phone last night. I saw where they were playing that game draw something on line. The word was "buzzkill" The OW guessed the word and then sent him a message that said, "LOL, kinda like out spouses! He said "No, not you babe."
So I guess everything that I thought was going right was just for show or whatever his motive is. I think that they did see each other on Tuesday and maybe were fighting and made up and now he is in a good mood. I am really not sure. I think I have come to the end for me. I wish I had the money to leave and start over and give my Sons everything but I don't. I don't know her motive either, why they didn't get together when they had the chance is beyond me. I would be in a better place right now because I would have had a future goals in mind, planning my life without him. Now I am back to thinking this is not a permanent situation and he will come in at any time and tell me again he is leaving.
I want to call her and ask her what she wants but I know that it will be all lies from her. Why didn't they get together when they had the chance? I keep asking myself that question. I want to ask him that question. If he loves her that much go be with her and leave me alone. You know they keep saying you will know when you had enough. I think I am there. How can I keep trying to work on a marriage when I know he is not? I can easily work on myself and GAL which I have been doing, but I still ahve to come home and act like things are working. I think I am losing my mind. I want to get off this crazy ride. DO I talk to him and tell him I know what he is doing and that's fine we will live our lives like this, put stipulations in, like don't text her around me, just tell me you are going out and I will know its with her, Can I even handle that? Or do I keep trying to get him away from the OW (I have been trying to get him away for 5 years).
When he is attentive to me at home things are great, because he thinks he is getting everything he wants, OW and me. But I am not sure he even wants me anymore, maybe he just wants his lifestyle and family life when it is convienent for him.
It's all such a mess! Really I wish he would tell me honestly what he wants.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Wow. I know I could not put up with that. I certainly don't know what to say because I could very well be in the same boat soon. I agree with AS about the 5LL and I intend to go out and get that. Have you tried calling a DB coach? At least you would know how to handle OW. It does sound like you let him back too soon and now I know what you were saying when you replied to me on my sitch.
I would like to know from someone who has been doing this a while are you better showing the love in this case or doing the "she's gone or you're gone" approach. I for one know that I can't live with someone that is carrying on with OW. I know that they say they don't need OW if you're giving them the love they need, but it almost sounds like he's playing both of you. When he argues with her he's nice to you, when you two argue he runs to her.
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
I think you have just hit the nail on the head! He is playing us both! I have read emails from both of them and she has said the same thing to him about him getting mad at her he runs to me and vice a versa! I have tried the "she's gone or your gone" approach. That lasted two months. He keeps telling me they are just friends now and he doesn't "love" her but I know that is not true. I have been giving him everything I have, Love, I don't question him about anything, I am happy when he comes home. Before if I had found out about that message, it would have been another fight. just like I did on Tuesday I kept my mouth shut. So how much longer should I continue to do this before he realizes he doesn't need her?
I don't want to be the fool, but I feel like one. I am out of options except the last step and telling him to get out and I file. I guess my self- respect would be worth filing bankruptcy, selling my house, moving my kids out of the home and starting over. It doesn't seem so bad now.
Funny thing is I think he would flip his lid if I did that. I think they both get off with the sneaking around stuff and complaining about each other's spouse. I really think I have come to the end.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
I think I have started to detach. I am a pretty picky when it comes to my house and car, all very clean and neat, I enjoy having a clean house so it really does not bother me to clean it. I told H a few days ago that I wanted to stop being responsible for everything around here. I wanted him to pay the bills, make sure groceries are bought the cat and dog have food, when S17 or S20 need something they are going to have to go to him and to make sure house is cleaned up.
He told me that he would "get rid" of the cats and dog, he would give the kids money and tell them to find something to eat, he was not going to the grocery and if he had too, he would pay the bills. I have not done anything for a few days, I told him I was going shopping last night after work and I went to my sister's and washed my work clothes since the washing machine bit the dust. I usally always clean the kitchen up at night make sure dishes are put up, clean out litter box, make sure dog and cat have food, etc. I vaccum every day since I have two cats and a dog. I have not pulled the vaccum out in a week. I didn't even make the bed for two days so far, and I don't even care. H always said that I would never be able to last long when it came to things like that, but the more I think about it, the more I don't care what happens.
Our washing macahine bit the dust two days ago, I would have already had a new one bought and delivered by now. I told him yesterday to go pick one out and figure out how to pay for it. H said no, you need to pick it out, I told him I didn't care what he got, just go get something. He looked at me and said "what is the matter with you". WTF, whats the matter with me are you kidding me, I am not the one with OW on the side to play with and a wife that takes care of the house, kids, bills, etc. I want his life. Nothing to worry about and two women to cater to him. I am done with it, I am at my end. after seeing that message to OW on Wednesday, the last light I had for him has died and I don't even want to try anymore, not even for my kids sake. I am waving the white flag, I am done. Sadly I am done.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Like laBug said, don't do anything based on emotion right now. It sounds like you just started showing him you weren't going to keep the status quo. I think you need to give it time to sink in. It seems like he thought he was going to be able to keep the OW and have you and the family.
It also sounds like life is not so great with OW either. It doesn't sound like OW wants this 3some either and she doesn't like it when he spends any time with family. He isn't going to like that.
M 48 H 50 M 25 T 27 D 20,18,15 6/11 H filed 3/12 H dropped 4/12 H moved out
Another Tuesday, another meeting, at least that what I think. We talked last week and I finally asked about the OW, he said they were not in a PA and have not been for a while. He never denied the EA, I know they are playing on line games. He never said he would stop and when I asked him to not text her or play games with her while at home, he said ok. Never denied he was doing it and never said he would stop.
I asked him why he came home, he said because of me. But then he said that OW had opportunity to leave and be with him and she did not take that opportunity, OW husband came back home and my H came back home. H said that OW was not going to leave her H. So should I be thrilled that she is not going to leave him or sad because I was second choice. How can you work on a marriage if there is OW involved? He really is playing us both. I wish I had the financial stability to leave.
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
Interesting Weekend. I told H that I needed him to start doing his laundry. I told him in a nice way, I have two laundry baskets one with my clothes and one with his. Boy did he get mad. He said well I make dinner so if I only made my dinner would you not be mad at me (he made dinner once last week, after I told him what to make) THen he got mad at me for doing my S17 laundry. He asked me if S17 had asked me to do his laundry because that was hardly fair if I am doing his without being asked. (for one thing, he is 17, works, goes to school and plays sports,I don't think me doing his laundry on occassion is going to make or break anything. I was floored, he was getting upset because I don't want to do his laundry anymore, even through I still wash everything else (towels, sheets, whites, etc.) I still clean the house, do the grocery shopping, plan the meals. Couple of times a week he cooks sides to go with dinner, since he gets home from work 2 hours before me.
I kinda lost it when he told me he was not tired one night because he fell asleep when he got home from work. I don't get to fall asleep when I get home. I have to do laundry. I tried giving him a hug on Saturday and all I got was a one arm pat on the side, He was laying on the couch and I sat next to him and laid my head doen on his shoulder, he got up so fast, I thought the house was on fire!
On Sunday I got up and went to grocery, he was doing HIS laundry. When I got home he had put the sheets in the wash. I asked him if he had done that and he said yes, I thanked him. He also cleaned up from dinner on Sunday. THen this morning he sent me a text saying have a good day and I love you. He has not told me he loves me first in about 3 months, I would tell him first and he would say love you too. I am going nuts. Maybe that is the plan to drive me crazy and put me away somewhere!
M-47, H-46 M24, T29 S19, S17 OW since 2007 Fighting ever since H left 8/12 H home 11/12 still seeing OW
