It's just a little over a year since I joined this forum and at that time we had been separated for 8 months. I was still a mess at that point-better than right after the BD but I still had trouble focusing on things, cried at the drop of a hat, hated seeing happy families (and my neighborhood is full of seemingly happy families.), missed my H mightily.
But that was then, this is now.
What have I learned over the year?
a broken heart does bring physical pain.
I will be better than OK. I have a lot of happiness in my life that I didn't have before.
it's OK to have popcorn for dinner.
alcohol only muddles things up and makes labile emotions even more labile.
grief takes as long as it takes and is NOT linear.
to understand and manage my anger.
not to take anything personally.-and-
when others disagree with me, it says nothing about me and I should listen and not immediately jump to defense mode.
not to agree to things that I don't really want to do.-and-
don't do favors expecting something in return, if I can't do it unconditionally, I won't do it.
the world does not end if/when people don't like me.
I have many talents and interests that I've ignored.
very few things have to be decided or fixed "right now!"
HALT-hungry, angry, lonely, tired can make for a very bad day.
people do want to help but be careful who you enlist to help.
pay more attention to my gut reaction to people.
detachment, whether from spouse, child or friend, is an act of unconditional love.-and-
if people want my help they will ask for it.
going to movies alone is very enjoyable.
my attitude does shape my world.
it truly is none of my business what others think of me.(I used to think of this as only negative thoughts, this also means positive thoughts-basing my view of me on what others think is the road to he!!)
treat others kindly and don't forget to smile.
people can change.
pay attention.
one day at a time, one day at a time, one day at a time...
This has been a arduous process and I can still remember the initial exquisite pain but like childbirth, it's a faded memory now.
Unlike birth, I won't volunteer to do this again but I am grateful to have had the opportunity to learn and grow in the process, and birth a better version of myself.
I'm also grateful to have the experience, strength and hope of people here, as well as in AlAnon.
I've met life-changing people in both places.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
