A Life Filled With Grace

[25yearsmlc]

I'm frustrated with myself.

About a week and a half ago, I received a call from xw's car insurance company. They said it was in regards to a claim. I asked if it was in regards to my car as I was in a car accident last July (and everything we owned together got all messed up in the D) .. but he couldn't give me the info. So I just gave him her number.

totally reasonable. What else could you done that makes sense?


Two days ago - I get a call from Enterprise about xw needing a rent-a-car. Again I give her cell number.

same answer as above...OR WHAT? Call to verify she's alive? You know she is- since she's driving...

OR just let her know it might make better sense FOR HER (never mind you) to get a different point of contact b/c you two are not in much contact. No emotion need attach, just smart planning.

I'm not frustrated by my actions, I'm frustrated by my lack of detachment. I'm sure she's fine.. but I had any kind of detachment, I could email her letting her know that my cell was being used as her primary contact and to see if she was ok.

This^^ is true

But I would be hurt by my expectations.. so I say nothing. Once again I do nothing.

Not clear on this. What is it that you fear would happen if you let her know about what we assume is an oversight on her end--i.e., that she left you as contact person? You think she'll believe you are reaching out & pursuing her?
She won't, if you stick to business,& make it brief.

What could she say or do in response to your calm matter of fact message about it? To be kind, go ahead & make a brief comment --**Not a question expecting a reply, but a statement that you hope she's fine..

I'm getting fear from you but not sure what the target of said fear is...

maybe b/c I don't feel any clarity in whst your expectations are...but I also don't get what your expectations could be. HER misinterpreting?


I just wish I could do loving actions to her because of who I AM vs. who I wish SHE WERE. I don't know if that makes any sense.

I just wish I was healthier. I don't know how to push myself any faster.. I think at this point, it will just happen within its own time.

Not sure either...but I DO believe where the head goes, the heart can follow.

So tell yourself what you need to KNOW in your head, and try to let that permeate you. THINK IT, BELIEVE it, and then feel it, etc.

((( )))