Separation at 17.5 months

[adinva]

New thread to mark the occasion of separation agreement draft received 17 and a half months post bomb. Three days ago was our 19th anniversary. Today H emailed me the document he had completed for our separation agreement.

I emailed him that I had received it, and requested two weeks to reply to it.

I was disappointed that he didn't speak to me face to face about the draft he had completed. Not that it matters in the long run, but I lost some respect for him in the way he's handling this. Considering we still live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, it's not that hard to talk to me. I decided I would talk to him about it.

I went upstairs since he was in bed and said, so, you emailed me a separation agreement. He said, yeah. I said, well, I still find it really hard to believe that this is what you want, but if it is what you want, then I guess it's go time. [crickets]

I said, well are you going to move out? He said, when we have the agreement signed.

I asked, well, until we have it signed are you planning to continue going out every night and staying out overnight on weekends? He said I don't know, I hadn't thought about it.

The reason I brought this up is that before Thanksgiving week, when he stayed home while I took the boys on a cruise, I had told him that if he was going to continue going out and looking like he's dating, we needed to explain the situation to the kids, who have been left completely in the dark for the past almost two years. I said after we return we need to explain it to them. We have all been back in the house together since Monday.

So I said, well, the kids need to know what's going on, if you're going to be staying out all night and eating dinner out with [friend] all the time. For now, you can stay in our room, but once we explain this to the kids then I'd like you to find another place to sleep. Honestly I'm having trouble recalling exactly what I said here, but I think that's ok. Given the emotionally charged timing, he's probably a little fuzzy on what we agreed to.

Later, when we've had time to think about this more, we'll revisit it. I wanted to tell the kids as soon as I had a draft separation agreement, that we are working on separating and dad is planning to move out. Some of the details are still being decided.

I don't think we need to wait until the agreement is signed. I did have a preview of it and I already know there are deal breakers in there that will need to be negotiated. Also, my financial advisor can't meet with me until the 10th. So there could be some animosity over the next month as we disagree on terms. The kids should know what is happening.

I have no problem, once I feel sure that it's time, asking him to tell them with me and if he's not ready I will let him know I'll tell them myself.

I also think it's time to tell my folks. They may be able to help me buy H out of the house.