Welcome to catch-22

[Big Bruce]

..., how long were you and your W together prior to getting married? What was your R like before your M? Is there anything significant that you can identify that was different?

Thanks for asking LITB.
We knew each other on and off. When she fell in love with me, she was almost 18 yo on a summer work trip to France. I'm 7 years older, so I was already working as an engineer, making some money. Different times, different situation, different country, it began as a passionate summer love story, then vapored away, then kept contact, then she moved to France, I moved to Italy, she came to visit, etc... I finally kneeled and took out the diamond ring on the Ponts des Arts one red skyed evening in Paris. All in all, 5 years before marriage. Rather than what was different, I woulds ask what was the same, and the answer is nothing was the same as now.

Also, did either of you have any long term relationships prior to meeting? If so, why did they not work?

Well, I only had two "long term" girlfriends before my W. The first one ended because I took her for granted, but it was real bad. The second ended because of distance, nobody's fault.
She, never had a bf before me. That is what fascinated me, I was all to her.

the main difference is that your son entered the picture. You have mentioned that you felt like you took a backseat in her priorities once he was born, which was very early in your M. I'm sure that created some resentment from you, which naturally you would distance yourself. She would then do the same and each of you would keep score.

Well analyzed, but I would add that the reason why she focused so much on our son, is because she felt home sick and didn't feel particularly supported in a difficult situation, in a foreign country, etc... the evidence is the hours (literally, telephone is free in France even internationally) with her mom on the telephone. I would nag her about it.

How important was it for her to have children? Was having a child early in your M planned?

Now you may find it very surprising, but I was the one who wanted a child. She didn't want it. She was pouting when she found out it actually "worked" and her tummy was getting bigger. I talked her into it, and I was super proud when he was born.
Ironic, that now I am being accused of not being interested in my son/family, isn't it ?

I don't think that analyzing the past too closely will direct me in the next steps I need to take, but this is our story.

The more we're separated, the more I feel she thinks it is a better/acceptable/workable solution, which is not!

Like I was saying in a previous post, and that's not out of anger or anything, she didn't have to face ANY of the consequences of separation yet. She has her family, her studies, her part-time job, her friends, parent's car, her city, her country, her language, and the son. The "sadness" of losing me is nothing as near as the anguish nightmare that I had to go through, and which has traumatized me for life, regardless of the outcome. The scar will always be there, I used to trust and believe in people, I know I have lost that faith now.
I used to be genuinely naturally cheerful and gay, now I can smile, but in the deep of me, not anymore.