Stand up, poor and tired, but STILL more than this

[LIO]

Hi Ruby! I'm glad that you got something out of it For months I was reading a long time poster's (25yearsmlc) signature that said: "Be Happy or be "Right"" and think 'yeah... but I AM right - I should be able to have both!' It wasn't until I sat down and thought about it all. All the times I'd diagnosis him, the marriage, talk about 'our' history, chastise him, when in reality, it is 'my version' of events. And it came down to: "I interpret it like x, he interprets it like y, why is x better than y?" I had no answer. What made "my" truth better? If I couldn't answer that, then why did I need to be right?

Kat! My mom would snap her fingers and immediately my sisters and I would stop - dead still. I 'trained' my son to do the same. I remember the anxious feeling I'd have when I was a kid when she'd do that - it was always someone getting in trouble.
So I am dropping a lot of 'rules' that I once had. Control. Discipline is good, but at some point, it becomes too much. I like you was the uber responsible kid. I think it takes away the ability to be a kid.

While touring a apartment complex for S and I, I overheard this 'big sister' of 9 or so tell her brother 'Gabe, I told you that you need to keep the [toy] away from the little one' said in exactly the tone I imagine her mother uses. I felt bad for her.

I am having way more fun with life, with S, with work, and sometimes, even with H. And I have no anxiety! I'm not worried about 'tomorrow' and what ifs.

My thoughts of H have taken the back seat.
I really took to heart what I learned. He will open up when HE is ready. I compliment him on things that I appreciate. I ignore the rest. His battles/struggles are not mine. I am in control of my thoughts. I used to try to remember that 'stop sign' - but I've since found that if I tell myself: "You have no idea what is going on, you are creating a movie instead of fact."

He leaves the house so quickly now with no words. I texted him the name of a song that I asked about earlier (it has some swear word name calling in it) he called immediately thinking that I was mad. He isn't sure what to make of me now!
I volunteer NOTHING!

I was listening to music at work, and a 'Amazing' from Aerosmith popped on. For years I'd sing along - but yesterday... I really 'got it'.

"I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin' insane
Tryin' to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn't get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin' a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It's Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It's Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you'll be alright
It's Amazing
And I'm sayin' a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight"

The last line especially - I am saying a prayer for everyone here and in our lives including our WAS's who are stuck in that place. It's no fun, sometimes things will still hurt, but it will be okay. I believe in that.