Well, here I go. I am 42 years old, my wife is 34.
Her biggest complaint in our marriage is my arguing. I am hypercritical by nature and usually feel that I have to argue and win every conversation. I know this is a problem I have, and I am trying to work on it. My wife also complains that I do no validate her, say she's pretty often enough or lift up her spirits, which is true to a point. On top of that, my wife does not want to change her ways of partying and socializing. I guess in reality there is nothing wrong with that. She has been extremely loyal to me throughout our relationship and she is a fantastic mother. I just worry that she can be put into "single type" situation that would not be good for her. I also feel that she party's a little too often. Perhaps, most of the problem is just my own insecurity. I think most people would consider us the sarcastic bickering couple. We nit pick each other constantly. Really, I guess our biggest problem is just engaging each other and communicating our needs and feelings. We tend to walk on each others feelings instead of lifting them up.
So, here is a scenario. Lets say my wife would like to go to a concert with her girlfriends (some married some not), I would typically give her a negative attitude going into that and ramp up my attitude as the day approached. I feel she goes off too often for a wife and a mother. Before she would leave, we would be practically ignoring each other and we would maybe give a half effort waive as she walked out the door. Upon her return, I would give her the silent treatment, and she should would respond with the same. We eventually get over that, and the next issue is on the table for us to bicker over, but we never get to that happy point where we should be.
On my end, sex is literally off the table. The last time was 6 months ago. The decrease in our sex life started shortly after my daughter turned 1. My wife always seemed not into it. My daughter started sleeping in our bed about that time. The sex life diminished more and more over time until my wife and my daughter were sleeping in another room.....that's pretty much my life for the last 5 years.
My wife never belittles me or yells. She has simply stated that she thinks we have lost our connection and we are now incompatible. What she hopes for during this separation is to find herself. She has told me that she doesn't know if we will be together at the end, or if we will never be together again. She just claims not to know. She also says she doesn't love me right now, but will always care deeply for me.....From reading on these forums, that part sounds like bullsh1t.
I just don't know how to handle it. I am not sure she would repsond well to the 180. My wife is not like most women, (Boy I bet that's never been said here, right?). She is extremely sensitive. She is very down to earth and frugal, even though we have a fairly successful business and money to do most of the things we wish. She has a very kind heart, but she holds anything negative to heart for a very long time. She still brings up an email I wrote her during a fight in 2007.
