Hey ((Busting)), just caught up on your sitch. I see you are getting lots of advice While I've been "gone" I worked out that boundaries are part of expressing what we want. And expressing what Tumbling wants in her life has been the hardest part of the past two years but I have finally found my voice.
The reason I am writing this is because this: "I was afraid of not being honest with H about my concerns. That perhaps it was unfair if he thinks that all is honkey dory and whatever he envisions for the future, we will be there no matter what". stood out for me in your earlier posts on this thread re potential Dubai move.
Your concerns are legitimate. You can still honour them but not share them w H. I don't know if the subject has come up again yet but a way of letting H know you have concerns is perhaps simply stating:
"I am still deciding whether I want to move to Dubai" which is your truth and let's him know that it is not hunky dory, that his fantasy is not guaranteed.
As for boundaries, this is my take: We are responsible for how people treat us. If we do not tell someone when we feel disrespected or uncomfortable then they will continue to behave in ways that we do not like. A boundary is a line drawn between what is and is not acceptable. Unlike a boundary wall they cannot be seen so it is my responsibility to define these limits to others. When a boundary has been crossed, a value has been trespassed and action is required to protect the values that have been threatened.
I have always believed "things will get as good as you can stand" but I didn't realise until recently how to raise the bar.
Tonight I was brave and expressed my Self for the second time this week (this time to a friend). I told them I wanted to be honest w them and explained how they had made me feel uncomfortable earlier. It felt so good to look after my Self and to speak my truth.
Just my (commando) thoughts!
ME41 H39 T12 M9 Ilybinilwy 10/2010 H moves out 11/2010 H moves in 09/2011 out 11/2011 Try to fix it alone, give up 07/2012 Tumbling to file 02/01/2013 :-) "Strong on the inside, soft on the outside"
