I did end up telling him he has ruined mine and DD's holiday's 2012
First, he'll only ruin it if you let him. Second, don't tell him anything like this. Act "as if" everything is fine. Show him a happy, content you exuding PMA no matter what he throws at you. I understand you were angry, but you should have just excused yourself from the phone and taken a few hours or days to settle down.
Quote:
It has been a hard holiday and I dread Christmas already.
How would you act different right now if you didn't dread it, but looked forward to it? Act THAT way, think THAT way. Your thoughts become your actions. Negative thoughts become negative actions. Positive thoughts become positive actions.
Quote:
DD and I did have a long talk coming home from H's Dad's house Saturday.
Make sure she's OK with that. My D16 told me over the weekend that she was stressing over hearing about our R all the time. I was just trying to keep her informed, but I didn't know it was stressing her out. I told her I wouldn't talk to her about it anymore unless she asked.
Quote:
Then 10 days later they went on a shopping spree in a town about 45 min north of us. Bath & Body Works, Goody's, Hibbitt Sports, Lunch....
Move to insulate yourself from him financially if you haven't already done so. If he's MLC then he could get into a dangerous and harmful spending mode.
Quote:
He just kept saying he wouldn't listen to it, what has happended has happened. Maybe it's a mistake, but I think in order for me to start healing, I need answers. And call me stupid, but I think after 21 years he owes it to me to sit down and talk about his feelings and what went wrong in our marriage.
I think at this point you need to ask yourself if you want to save the M or not. If you want to save it, then you will have to suppress urges like this. Per DB'ing, do not EVER initiate an R talk. Be content, happy, act "as if" you're moving on with your life whether with or w/o him. Show him a new, improved, attractive you. Become the W only a fool would leave. Now if you don't want to save the M then maybe this talk will help you move on, but it's unlikely you'll hear anything you want to.
Quote:
but I haven't and I need to understand.
The convo will bring you no understanding. He probably doesn't really understand it himself. He's probably confused and in turmoil even though he may not look like it.
Quote:
So I left him a nice/upbeat voicemail that said I think since he can afford a 40 inc Sony HDTV, he could give me the $800 he owed me.
Next time leave his purchases out of it and just ask him about the money. Be nice and upbeat about it. If you're mean it's going to make him A)not want to pay you and B)think he was justified in leaving you.
Quote:
When he got to the house, I told him that I was turning his cell phone off end of the month and cancelling his truck insurance, he wanted this, he need to learn to deal with it all.
Hopefully you didn't say the struck through part. It's OK to sort bills with him, but again, do it pleasantly.
Quote:
He said he was paying $22 a month for the TV. I said sorry, he wanted this, wants to shack up with w**ore than he can pay the price.
Oh boy. See above, if you want to save the M this has got to stop. Boundaries are fine, tantrums and name-calling are not.
