H called me in the middle of the night saying he couldn't support me when he came home because coming home makes him feel like he's in a tomb.
HE went on to say he can be like this until he dies, he has no humanity in him, just work to keep him busy so he doesn't have to think. He thought I was trying to get his mind back on ''coming'' home, I said no!
I realize as he's saying all of this that I had no feelings, no emotion or love towards him, for him. He asked if he should leave because of S21, I said "you're the one making decisions for yourself these days.
He needs to be outside not allowed back with us until he can clearly see what his life is, was, could be, and then make a final choice where he's going to put his efforts in to make his life work.
He said the words ''accepting'' his situation. I knew he was going into that stage. Only he is accepting all the negative around him, all the anger he says has eaten up his goodness. I don't think this is going to be a success story! BRB
Just got off the phone with H (he called) on his lunch break. HE wanted to know how I was after last nights talk, because I was really ripping into him about the destruction he has left behind. I said I am not emotional anymore, I'm finding my strength to move forward.
I've read that some MLCers do settle into their new persona and stay there. I told him if he does that it would be such a waste of a great family and life he has, but I want more now so I wont settle.
All he keeps saying is this isn't against me, no anger or animosity against me, it's all against God, to see if he will finally show himself and intervene.
I will not join him in his spiritual battle, h or not, that's were I draw the line. Surprisingly though I am emotionally handeling this better than before, no self pity here, just still sad, but hopeful for a new turn.
The past can't be ahead of you in the future. You don't have to figure it all out, just pick a direction. What's next...I don't know but I can't wait!