Thanks AnotherStander, It felt good to touch her and have her touch me. As I said, it may have just been a habitual response, but it gave me a glimmer of hope.
I know there will be some missteps as I go through this process. There already have been! Somedays it is just hard to feel happy and cheerful.
I wouldn't want to go back to her, if she asked, right now, because I feel there is still a great deal I need to take care of personally. A lot of the trouble was that I became absent and started having an affair with my business. That need to succeed in order to be the Hero I thought I needed to be is the big thing that ate away at the heart of my wife and marriage. While I have been able to eliminate that need now - being on my own - I have a fear that I would fall back into the same pattern if I went back to my wife right now.
Essentially, I know I've changed. I just need to know the change is engrained and becomes less a choice and more a mode of behaviour. I've seen to many people get back together and fall back into the old patterns and end their marriage for good.
That's what I'm thinking by this being my one chance.
