I agree wholeheartedly. Italy is a beautiful country. BTW, so is Ireland but I prefer Italian dining.
Despite the tears (him as well) and the very sincere sounding "I miss yous", "I love yous" and I "don't want to lose our friendship" and the VM that I had to leave him the next night regrading insurance that was required to be signed which should have had a response, he has not contacted me. So, as actions speak louder than words, he obviously does not want contact with me.
I will remain dark until he contacts me and, at least for the next while, take things very slowly in responding. I do wonder if he will contact me, though?
As to living my life, I am albeit a little more gently than before BD. But I am also dealing with a few other of life's crisis as well (sick parent). The truth of the matter is that in the last few years we have become very independent since we were long distance - which was identified by him as one of the main problems with our relationship (although at one time my independence is what he loved about me!)and one of the true reasons that it is unlikely that anything more than a friendship will survive this. Now, he has someone physically with him presumably being dependent and affectionate like I never was. No reason to miss me when she is there!
So, deep breath. Let go of him and hold onto me. Gotcha!
I was wondering if I can ask a favour? A little while ago (weeks or two) you posted an old thread regarding the difference between dealing with a WAS and MLC and whether or not there was any difference in handling them. I did not get a chance to finish reading it but now I have lost the reference. I thought it was very interesting. Do you have it handy?
Portia, Did I post it to your thread or to another poster's thread? The reason that I am asking is I don't recall searching for that particular link.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
You posted the link on someone else's thread - if only I could remember whose it was! The thread that I am looking for was an older one though if I recall, if that helps the search.
My memory is shot, but I'll look around and see where it is. Hopefully, I can locate it again.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Having a bit of an off day today. Cleaning like a mad woman for the holidays so keeping busy.
He called and left a message two nights ago. He sounded so very, very sad. I have not returned the call yet partly because normally I would return it promptly the next night which would mean a 180 for me and partly because I am not really ready to talk.
I don't know why the hardest thing for me to hear was that OW was the only friend fighting for our friendship but that completely gutted me. Like he was only in touch because she said so. Like it was them against me. Great OW tactic, for sure! Maybe it wasn't until that moment that I truly believed how firmly he was in her camp. I believe it now.
I have found rereading the Going Dark links very helpful in starting with a beginner's mind. And in realizing what a long process this is going to be whether we end up together or not.
So, I will return the call when I am ready and reread the Rules before I do.
The truth of the matter is that in the last few years we have become very independent since we were long distance - which was identified by him as one of the main problems with our relationship (although at one time my independence is what he loved about me!)
My H initially liked the fact that I am fairly reserved, rather a quiet person. He found it "classy".
Now, I am an "introvert" and hindering his social life. (Never mind the fact that I am the only one of the two of us to have friends!) And I have been encouraging him for years to find a group to do "guy stuff" with - but he never finds anyone "compatible"...
I guess they do their own 180's, but without rhyme or reason.
Quote:
So, deep breath. Let go of him and hold onto me. Gotcha!
Sounds like a great plan! Sorry to hear of your ill parent. So much to deal with at this time of year.
Do keep us posted/updated! Best wishes
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
Portia, I honestly don't believe the ow was fighting for your friendship. I think your friend told you that just to keep you on the string. I've heard and seen these types of comments made by mlcers before and it is their way of "conning" us into hanging around. Your friend knows that you would be gone in a heartbeat and he doesn't want to lose that one person who will listen to all of his problems and woes and he knows that he can dump all of his emotional garage on you that he can't on the ow.
I wouldn't return his calls. He needs to make a decision about what he wants and stop stringing you along. He's using you for his emotional fix and as long as you allow him to do so, he will continue doing it. Take back your self respect and allow him to wallow for a bit. He needs to respect you for the fine young lady that you are.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So much to deal with at this time of year. 