H told me he "will goes halves with me on a tree if I want one that bad."
Sounds like H is noticing that other people exist, and can be affected by him, this is good. He is still depressed, and doing the adolescent "ok, we can do X if you insist" sort of thing, but sees (for the moment) that it isn't going to kill him to help someone else be happy. Let's hope he continues to peek out of the tunnel...
As far as being a Mom, if all else fails, there is adoption. I was adopted from Children's Home right there in Pittsburgh. My adoptive parents ARE my parents, though I have wondered about my biological parents throughout the years, even if I could meet them (I am old enough where they kept that confidential in those days), they would NOT be seen as my "real" parents, if that helps at all. You will make an excellent parent! Let me know if you want anything more info on this.
You know you are inspiring, I have asked myself many times "Where is the "hrm humor" that can be found in W's behavior atm?" Just keep being you, because you're awesome!
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
mrsrjd~ You should definitely try yoga, it is soooo much fun! You are absolutely right, we have no idea what could be in store for us, and I definitely didn't see this mess coming! Thank you for the reminder!
WH~ LOL I know, recent events have left me speechless at times too! I truly believe no situation is hopeless, I think there is always hope, I guess I'm ever the optimist! Thank you for your encouragement!!
snodderly~ I thought you would be happy to hear I didn't chop down a tree on my own! LOL Thank you so much for your kind words, they really mean a lot to me, I mean that with all of my heart snodderly. And I won't give up the baby dream, I can't, not yet, I'm not ready.
T~Hey stranger! *in the mind of an MLCer, perhaps* Wait.... wait.... what do you mean there are other people besides me.... I thought the world revolved around me! You mean people aren't here to do my biding?!? J/K LOL
Yeah, on a more serious note, he's definitely still depressed, that's my counselor's assessment too, based on what I tell him anyway. My latest analogy.... he's like a wee prairie dog sticking his head out of his little prairie dog hole to see if it's "safe" to come out.... the smallest thing could spook him into running back down into his prairie dog tunnel! (Kinda like our feral analogy).
I have always been open to the adoption option. Before I new about my fertility issues I had always wanted to do both. We will see what the Lord has in store. Thank you for sharing the information you did with me, I will let you know when I would like some more info, again, thank you, I really appreciate it!
Also thank you for the complements, I'm glad I am able to inspire and help people look for or find the humor. It's funny you mention that, a co-worker recently told me I'm really good at finding the positive in situations, even when other co-workers are being negative. I do really appreciate knowing I can bring a little happiness to people, or help them find the happiness, know what I'm trying to say?
I hope you are able to find some of that humor in W's behavior. Hey if you need a laugh, I have one for you. The other evening I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth, H was already in there brushing his. I went to grab my toothbrush, and he had apparently inadvertently picked up mine!
I looked over at him brushing away and said with a smile, "Is there a reason you are using my toothbrush?" He stopped brushing, looked absolutely horrified, slowly took the brush out of his mouth, looked at it in disbelief, started apologizing as he vigorously rinsed it off! It was hilarious!!! I couldn't help but crack up laughing, the look on his face with priceless!!! I told him it was no big deal. Like I said, hilarious!!!
No real updates he's been a bit more distant, but that's to be expected. He actually smiled and said hello to the co-worker I had in the house this evening. Three of us had a training to go to so we met at my house. When we got back the one co-worker came in to use the bathroom and I showed her around the house since she's never been here before (yes she knows the sitch), but I trusted her to handle interacting with him and she handled it well.
OMG! I have had a laugh this morning. The alien used your toothbrush! That is priceless! It's too bad the scene wasn't recorded for America's Funniest Video show!
I'm glad things are settling down a bit. I'm sure your "prairie dog" has stuck his head out periodically, but scurries back into the hole. Does he bark warnings? Maybe that will come next! LOL!
Hang in there!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My latest analogy.... he's like a wee prairie dog sticking his head out of his little prairie dog hole to see if it's "safe" to come out.... the smallest thing could spook him into running back down into his prairie dog tunnel!
Did you know they use giant vacuums to get the little suckers out of their holes? lol... ah wouldn't I like to see H sucked up in a vacuum... one with a clear canister so I can watch him whip around ...and around ...and around...
Me 46 H 56 M 22 yrs S22, D20, Twin Ss18
You teach people how to treat you by what you allow. What you stop. And what you reinforce. ~~~~~~~ A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
I can just visualize everyone purchasing "special" vacuums to suck up mlcing people! Now, that would be a very special patent and someone would be very rich since there appears to be quite a few mlcers walking around on this earth. LOL!
I have to say, I've had a good laugh about this mrsrjd!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I can just visualize everyone purchasing "special" vacuums to suck up mlcing people! Now, that would be a very special patent and someone would be very rich since there appears to be quite a few mlcers walking around on this earth. LOL! I have to say, I've had a good laugh about this mrsrjd!
I would like to order one myself LOL -- to funny.
If someone decides there is no goodness in you they won't be able to see it. I'll take a BLT over a MLC anyday !!!
Oh Snodderly trust me I would have LOVED to have a video of him using my toothbrush and the look that followed the realization! LOL No, my prairie dog doesn't bark warnings, well lately anyway! But he sure does act strange!
mrsrjd~ I did NOT know about the vacuums, but I am STILL laughing about the MLC version!!!! LOL The mental picture is priceless! Thank you for that!
updates~H has been, like I said before, acting more distant, I guess he's trying to put more space between us so he can keep me in the "enemy" bubble and justify his bad behavior, because oh yes there is still bad behavior! lol
We did get a Christmas tree at Lowe's yesterday after I got home from working for my dad. He didn't help pay for it like he said he would. I didn't say anything. He was nice enough to drive. Which again, during this car ride, no turn signals, and he was driving like a crazy person.... oh wait.... I suppose that would be the appropriate way for him to drive right now! I didn't say a word about anything, the only comment I made was about a random cat in a field, and the beauty of the sunset.
At Lowe's he kept his distance. Any time I asked him about anything to do with the tree selection his answers were all, "It's up to you. It's your tree, etc" At one point I said, "Well it will be in the living room so you will have to look at it too." I was nice about it, not snippy or anything. I also said I wanted a tree that looks nice so I would hope he would speak up if he thought one of the ones I was looking at looked stupid. He seemed like he was trying not to be interested, like he was holding himself back on purpose during this whole tree shopping adventure.
When we got it home he had me get the little trimmer and he showed me which branches to take off. He brought it into the house and got it all set up in the tree stand. Even made sure it wasn't leaning.
Then he retreated to watch tv downstairs. I went down to do some laundry and told him he didn't have to watch tv down there. He said, "I figured you would start decorating the tree and I didn't want to be in the way." I told him I was going to take his advice and wait until tomorrow to let the tree fan back out to where it should be, (All the trees at Lowe's had the branches squished up, I asked them about this, they said when they get in the house they will go back down, so we shall see). I went on to add even if I was decorating he wouldn't be in the way.
Later that evening he was in his room and I saw him take a small paper bag from between some of his clothes and put it on the bookshelf. Later I noticed it was gone. I don't know what the heck all the hiding is about, gift for a work whore perhaps? IDK. I'm thinking he hid it because he couldn't leave it in the car because I was going to be in it, so then he had to put it back in the car. Wow, being crazy seems to be a lot of work, one would think dealing with ones actual issues would be easier in the long run, but what do I know... Oh and he's hiding receipts again....
After all that, he randomly came back here while I was trying to get itunes to work and said, " I just wanted to let you know that Celebrity Ghost Stories show you like is on." Strange. I said, "ok, thank you, I'm trying to get itunes to work, it just downloaded the new version." He said, "Well I saw it was on and thought I would tell you when I came through." He later made some comment about the new itunes version might be too much for the computer cause it's old. I think I said ok, or thanks to both comments IDK, because at that point I was thinking WTH? He's like Katy Perry's song Hot n Cold! LOL
This morning I did look at his phone, haven't done that in a long time. He left texts on there from a male co-worker. Which I always assume when he leaves texts on there is wants me to see them to make me angry, because I bet he thinks I'm always looking at his phone, which jokes on him, I'm not. Anyway, I don't know if this co-workers wife is stupid or a whore or both, but the texts were about the work Christmas party.
The co-worker said to H something about if he (as in H) springs for a hotel room they can all share (so H, male co-worker, his W and some female co-worker I never heard of who apparently likes this male co-worker, confused yet??) H said he hadn't decided if he was going to attend yet and H made some comment about taking co-workers W as a date instead of the female co-worker. Male co-worker said something about his W being excited about the 4 of them sharing a room. Reading these texts just astounds me. People sure are stupid, and I'm tired of being treated disposable. AND how is THIS "working through stuff" and "trying to make things right"????
The other thing that makes me want to smack the crap out of male co-worker and his W is they sit in church Sunday morning and pretend to be people of God, last I checked adultery was a BIG no, no. Not to mention all the pics of half naked women they text back and forth. Oh I should mention I went to high school with male co-worker, he's a couple of years younger than me, and back in high school had dated a good friend of mine. I don't know male co-worker well or anything, he's quite immature (clearly). Actually before MLC he annoyed the crap out of H mostly.
Oh the up side, no anxiety for me, no anger really either. Shaking head at stupidity oh hell yes!
Here's what I did after H got out of the shower and got ready to go to his match (it's the charity one, toys for kids, which I did get two toys and give to him for it). I walked out to the kitchen and said, "Have fun at the toy match today. I hope they get lots of toys for the kids." He thanked me and thanked me again for getting toys. I said you're welcome, anytime. At this point he walked into the living room. I said, " I wanted to thank you again for all of your help with the Christmas tree, I really appreciate it." He said it's no big deal (his usual line). I told him again I really appreciated it and that it meant a lot to me. I asked before I hugged him. Which he tried not to hug me back, but I said something about it not being a real hug and he hugged me back. We were looking at the tree and he said it was starting to look better. I said maybe by this evening I could start decorating it, and perhaps he could help me get the lights around it. He didn't say anything to that. I told him to have a good day, and to try and stay warm. He said it's supposed to be in the 50's today. I said that's good, and then said be safe. He said thanks have a good one. I thanked him and headed back the hallway.
So WTH is a girl supposed to think??? Is he "working on stuff" as he claimed on Thanksgiving, or does he just think I'm really really stupid??
hrm, Working on stuff is a term that mlcers use. Yeah, they are working on stuff alright...it's one sided...and you are the one that's doing all of the work. I heard that comment a number of times and my xh also told the co-workers that we were working on the marriage...all one sided. The only thing that they are working on is their fun stuff. Don't take the comment seriously at this point in time because it is nothing more than a catch phrase.
As for the tree, I'm glad he at least went and helped you unload it and get it in the house. I'm sure this brings the holidays a bit up close and personal to him and he's going to have issues with the holidays and will scurry back into his hole, i.e., too much guilt involved.
As for the co-worker, his wife and some other woman. What are these people thinking about getting a room? Sounds like they ae going to have a foursome. I sure hope they all use protection. Maybe this is their way of "living out their fantasy"...just very strange to me. I'm very sorry you happened to run across those texts.
As for that little package he keeps hiding and taking away, makes me wonder if it's condoms. Got to share a funny story w/you...my xh was a very stupid little man who left a receipt in a CVS bag and when I did my own detective work and went to CVS and asked my friend in the pharmacy what the receipt was for. He took one look and said "I think your h has been caught" and then took me to the counter where the condoms were sitting. Well, I called him up and had him come by the house and when I asked about them, his comments were that he needed them just in case he was in a bar and met someone. My response was: 1) if you are drunk, you won't get it up and you won't be able to get it in place; and 2) where you planning to blow it up and hang it on your antenne. He just laughed like a stupid fool and looked guilty as h@ll. I've never forgotten that conversation and every time I walk by that product I just laugh now.
I don't think your h thinks your stupid, but he doesn't think you notice things. Your h likes playing games and it's time now to move the toothbrush to see if he'll move it again. Time to ramp up the game just a little bit. You might want to purchase a red or green toothbrush, put a little bow and a sprig of mistletoe on it and put it where the old one is late Christmas Eve. Now, that would be a priceless photo op for sure. I could have a lot of fun w/your h.
Enjoy your day because it's going to be in the high 60's and tomorrow is even better here.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hrm, it's so painful to read your post. So much hurt your H dishes out! I think you are doing great with your calm, non-irritating comments and behavior.
I so very much am familiar with the "whatever you want" comments.
Your post makes me want to laugh and throw up at the same time!
Your H is definitely struggling especially now at this holiday season. Keep up the clarity and unconditional love!
Me54/H47 '08 H is "done" March '12 H moved out Brink of D, December '12 2014 totally reconciled! ...... "I firmly believe in the...absolute possibility of marriage renewal." Jim Conway
