MLC, affair, internet pictures, we're a mess

[cantslowdown]

Well, since she has "nowhere to go" the basement is about as far as I was able to get her. I have more than enoguh to go on if she really wants to get this to court, but you are right. I am at a disadvantage because whther she realizes it or not, she left me a year ago when HE became her "best friend." She's trying to say there is nothing going on between them anymore other than friendhsip and they don't "want to be together, but they did have a physical affair" (which was all my fault).

I'll cut out the R talk unless we are in with the counselor and only then, I will try and stick to what the counselor asks in the session, without any flagrant passionate ridiculousness. I have to keep telling myself that she wants me to look ridiculous. She wants others to see me as the way she is painting me in her minds eye.

When i say support, I guess I mean, my approval (which probably means nothing to her) of good activities she is doing and disapproval of anytime spent with him. I think you're right that I should just cut it out, because when I write it now, it seems like begging to be involved in her life or directing a change in her.

She'll be gone all weekend for work (again) and I'll have four days, just me and the kids. I have a lot of fun things on the calendar for us. To detach and GAL, would you agree that while we're doing things this weekend, i don't call, text, post to FB or anything? Basically go dark. I mean, I'll TRY to answer if she calls, but only so she can talk to the kids (I want things to be as stable as possible for them). I did that last time she was out of town and all she did was freak out that since I was being quiet, it meant that I was going to tell the college about her ethics violation (and if I did, THEN she would never ever want to be with me again--which I don't know how that is different than the way she is acting now, just without a career). i told her i wasn't thinking of that at all, but she should be worried about her guy when things go south between them. He's not beholden to anything. When you're 19-20 your life is careless (obviously). I do remember having a really good weekend that weekend though. I felt good about the decisions I made and that gave me more confidence in the direction I was taking wiht myself.

Anyway, i think it really got to her that I just decided I was going to get up and go with my kids and do free fun things. She actually said about one event, "I wish you wouldn't have done that with them without me." Ummm.. it was a once a year event on a day she went out of town (of her own accord) and I didn't even know about the event until an hour before I had packed the kids up and gone. We even still got home 3 or 4 hours before her. In return, I told her that we aren't purposely excluding her, but we aren't going to just sit around if she's gone. Life goes on.


sometimes I feel this has gone like this after Batty's divorce and remarriage:
Mad Men: Tomorrowland
Betty Francis: I wanted a fresh start, OK? I'm entitled to that!
Henry Francis: There is no fresh start! Lives carry on.
Betty Francis: Jesus, Henry, just once could you take my side?
Henry Francis: No one's ever on your side, Betty.