heeeeelllllppp!!

[MrBond]

"I am 1000% intent on keeping my marriage intact. I don't want to play games I just want to be honest and loving with her in the way she deserves.

"I think you are wrong Mister bond about the test thing. I did some research before I did it and accord to an article on Huffingtonpost, it is totally legal to do and I can use the evidence in court. I am not a dummy. I would never do anything illegal here so lets calm down on that a bit."

Really? What does your LAWYER say about it?

"I want to expose the affair so badly because I feel it in my gut that it will snap her back to reality. I can't be wrong on this can I? I'm starting to question myself."

You don't understand. What "reality" do you want her to come back to? See if you don't create a 'reality' that she will want to come back to, she won't. And that comes from changing your behaviors.

"Whys is everyone telling me to read the book. I did read the book, twice and took notes."

Because everything you've done goes against basic DB and common sense principles. It's one thing to just read DB. It's another to UNDERSTAND DB.

"I can't go out and by the book when I'm watching my kids!!!!!"

Do you watch your kids 24/7? Can't you take your kids with you to the bookstore? I've got 2 young kids of my own and that hasn't stopped me from reading it.

"I also read about 6 other books so I get confused on who said what. It seems that there are so many different ideas out there."

Then stick to one.

"i never posted about my almost affair because it wasn't an affair."

Here's another thing you don't understand. IT WAS. It doesn't matter if you didn't do anything physical. You had an emotional affair and wanted to do something. AGAIN, to a woman, an emotional affair is far worse than a physical one. YOU broke her trust with you. It's not as easy as just dismissing it.

"My wife thinks I'm still snooping and that is why shoe put a new code on the computer."

So you're still snooping right? Get real. You had the affair first. You wrote a love poem, etc. How does that look to your W? Even though you say that you weren't going to "do" anything, how does she know? What if you found a love poem she wrote to a guy? What would you think.

In fact, you just agreed to her talking to other guys for companionship. So you have no right to be snooping because you agreed to it.

"I decided to hold of on talking to to the OM for now. but I've known him longer than my wife so I will have to do something."

Have some class. You want her to come back to you? Again, you haven't changed anything about you that she didn't like or had an issue with. The biggest issue with her was trust. And here you are snooping around. Do you really think she wants to get back together with you now when you're still the same person she didn't like before?

That's why you have to READ DB. Not just skip around to the affair part. Seems like you missed the whole part about change.

"my 180s - I've stop being super critical of her and i always say please and thank you to her even when she's being a major B."

You see what a lousy attitude you have about her? Why would she stay with someone who thought she was a B? That's why she thinks you're an a$$.

"The problem is that she always used to like me being a little chunky. she said it made her feel safe. I can't lose the weight overnight."

Then you start now.

"I haven't called her any names in about a month."

Really? I have NEVER called my wife names in the 15 years we've been together. One whole month isn't going to cut it. Especially if you say she's a B.

"She went to change in the bedroom and I immediately followed her to the bedroom. She closed the door, but I counted to 10 and opened it and said I wanted to talk about us."

Leave her alone and give her space. That's the NUMBER 1 rule of DB. That's why everyone is telling you to re-read the book. And another thing, DO NOT tell her you're reading it. You do it for yourself and improve yourself.

"She was in the middle of changing out of her work clothes. First she was mad I barge in, then she told me we could talk later, but she wanted a few minutes to decompress. I pressed the issue."

See you acted like an a$$ even though she nicely told you that she needed some time to decompress.

"I mean according to everyone here I needed to get those notes to start working on DB."

NOBODY said to get those notes. Don't blame anyone here for your bad actions. Just re-read the book.

"I asked her about the notebook. She claimed she didn't know. right."

Lose the attitude. I don't know if you can actually see how badly you treat her. Again, why would she want to go back to you now?

"I then asked if we could be intimate that night. She didn't say no."

Seriously? You act badly towards her and then you ask her for sex? Did you not READ what I wrote about women and how they need to feel emotionally connected to you?

"So I hung around the bedroom and she just sat there."

Leave her alone.

"She feel asleep after putting the kids to bed. When I went to bed, I went to wake her to be intimate like she promised."

She didn't promise you. Just because she didn't say 'No' doesn't mean you get a free pass. Would you want to have sex with someone you're mad at? I take that back, I think you would.

"I shook her a couple times. But she was pretty tired so I dropped it. that's another 180 too."

She was tired. You shouldn't have bothered her in the first place and tried to be more understanding rather than trying to get your own rocks off.

All of these comments are the hard truths which you aren't grasping. Start LISTENING.