It's been a few days, and I have to admit that W's revelation that she's still confused about things has thrown me into confusion as well. I had pretty well decided that she was done with us and what was left of my meager hope of reconciliation was about to be taken off of life support. And now I find out that while she seemed so sure and confident of her decision to end our M and so happy to be on her own, it was all just a facade concealing turmoil and confusion within. I had all but convinced myself I was ready to move on, so this has put me into an emotional spin. Nothing like BD did, but it's been confusing for me. I've had to go back to the beginning and look at this all over again. Should I finish dropping the rope? Or do I still want W? Is there hope to have a great M? Or would reconciliation just bring more pain?
As luck (?) would have it, W had to come by to pick something up from the house last night. She was standing next to me and we were talking to D16. I looked into her eyes and wow, my love for her is definitely still there. Her eyes just looked so beautiful. I don't know if she did it on purpose, but she raised her hand up and had the backs of her fingers against my arm and left them there, and her touch was like an electrical shock. Crazy. Of course she may be feeling nothing, or she may be feeling something and fighting those feelings because she's still trying to convince herself she's done, I just don't know. But I've got to give it more time. Someone please loan me some patience!!!
Originally Posted By: 7720
My W would even address me as Papa! That's who I was! It just hit me...that is who she saw me as and I filled the role of Papa very well maybe too good...
I think as far as the parenting-before-marriage thing goes my W was much worse about it than me. Really it wasn't just parenting, everything was placed before me as far as priorities. I was at the rock bottom of W's attention list. I know now from reading 5LL that I could have done things to get that attention back, wish I had read it years ago.
Originally Posted By: Soul.Searching
Are you sure about that? I think if you re-read your threads, you might think differently.
Maybe so, I just don't know whether I'm misinterpreting things or whether there really are baby steps or D/P. For example, at one point I mentioned that she called me "babe", and then did it again about a week later. At the time I wasn't sure whether it was a baby step or just accidental. Now I'm pretty sure it was accidental as it hasn't happened again (and that was over a month ago).
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Without going back and re-reading myself, I can't give exact examples but Was there not points where she wanted to spend a lot of time at your house? Times where she called/texted more?
She's very kid-focused and yes, she has tried to find reasons to come by the house when I have the kids (did it again last night). But on the weeks that she has the kids she doesn't make an effort to see me, so I tend to think she's just trying to be around the kids more. Calling/ texting does ebb and flow, maybe it's pursuit/ distance, hard to say.
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I believe the WAS peruses differently than us. They don't necessary actually presue a relationship. They just come much closer (EG spending more time, more calling, Little comments.) then run back away.
That could be. I'll try to pay more attention to see if any of that is happening. I just have to be careful that I don't get excited when I see some small sign because I have a tendency to read hope into things that may in fact not mean anything.
